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Good manners?

Pink68

My daughter (9, likely AS) can sometimes be, what would be considered as, very rude. For instance, my mum kindly took her out for a trip with some other family members on a boat ride up the river.  On returning I asked my daughter if she had a good day, she said 'No, it was boring' which is bad enough in front of my mum.  I asked her to say thank you to Nanny for taking her out but she refused.  I felt terrible, so embarrassed. On hindsight I think her Aspergers mind worked it out as 'Why should I say thank you? I didn't enjoy it'. Fair enough, but she has to learn that it is only right to say thank you when you're given anything, even if it's not really what you want, if you get what I mean?

Should I push it?  I don't want her to be seen as an ungrateful brat (perhaps she is?) I also don't want to use AS as an excuse for rudeness.  I know if I push the issue at the time it's likely to cause a major strop from her and probably in me losing my temper.  Trying to broach the subject after is tricky when it's 'out of context', she ends up having a strop, then I can't talk to her at all.

Aww, I feel such a bad parent, I try to be understanding and tolerant but my NT mind just doesn't 'get it' sometimes!

Parents

  • Sorry IntenseWorld, I take your clarifications on board.

    But it comes back to a fundamental question - professional understanding of adults.

    They haven't even mastered transition yet................ which given the numbers of diagnosed young people going through transition is a shocking state of affairs. I'm sure I'm upsetting professionals with my off-the-wall comments but there can be no defence after two or three decades of autism research, for the parlous state of transition. They surely knew this was coming....

    And work is fundamental to transition. I'm astonished how little professional understanding there is about coping in the workplace. There is just some glib notion that if disability discrimination is explained to employers it should somehow work out OK.

    There seems to be little comprehension about fitting in at work, especially with work-place social structures. And equality legislation only covers blatent acts of discrimination, not discrete underhand activity that is difficult to prove. If a workplace doesn't want an autistic spectrum youngster landed on them, they'll find a way of wrecking the initiative that doesn't involve conspicuous law breaking.

    And no-one seems to understand the impact of sensory issues, which has a huge impact on work environments.

    The staffing of places like Job Centre Plus, regarding support for people on the spectrum, should be a national scandal.

    So yes, IntenseWorld, it is about environment and the right opportunity.

    Right now its about getting Government to make a genuine initiatives to help adults rather than an ineffective gesture.

Reply

  • Sorry IntenseWorld, I take your clarifications on board.

    But it comes back to a fundamental question - professional understanding of adults.

    They haven't even mastered transition yet................ which given the numbers of diagnosed young people going through transition is a shocking state of affairs. I'm sure I'm upsetting professionals with my off-the-wall comments but there can be no defence after two or three decades of autism research, for the parlous state of transition. They surely knew this was coming....

    And work is fundamental to transition. I'm astonished how little professional understanding there is about coping in the workplace. There is just some glib notion that if disability discrimination is explained to employers it should somehow work out OK.

    There seems to be little comprehension about fitting in at work, especially with work-place social structures. And equality legislation only covers blatent acts of discrimination, not discrete underhand activity that is difficult to prove. If a workplace doesn't want an autistic spectrum youngster landed on them, they'll find a way of wrecking the initiative that doesn't involve conspicuous law breaking.

    And no-one seems to understand the impact of sensory issues, which has a huge impact on work environments.

    The staffing of places like Job Centre Plus, regarding support for people on the spectrum, should be a national scandal.

    So yes, IntenseWorld, it is about environment and the right opportunity.

    Right now its about getting Government to make a genuine initiatives to help adults rather than an ineffective gesture.

Children
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