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Good manners?

Pink68

My daughter (9, likely AS) can sometimes be, what would be considered as, very rude. For instance, my mum kindly took her out for a trip with some other family members on a boat ride up the river.  On returning I asked my daughter if she had a good day, she said 'No, it was boring' which is bad enough in front of my mum.  I asked her to say thank you to Nanny for taking her out but she refused.  I felt terrible, so embarrassed. On hindsight I think her Aspergers mind worked it out as 'Why should I say thank you? I didn't enjoy it'. Fair enough, but she has to learn that it is only right to say thank you when you're given anything, even if it's not really what you want, if you get what I mean?

Should I push it?  I don't want her to be seen as an ungrateful brat (perhaps she is?) I also don't want to use AS as an excuse for rudeness.  I know if I push the issue at the time it's likely to cause a major strop from her and probably in me losing my temper.  Trying to broach the subject after is tricky when it's 'out of context', she ends up having a strop, then I can't talk to her at all.

Aww, I feel such a bad parent, I try to be understanding and tolerant but my NT mind just doesn't 'get it' sometimes!

Parents

  • Did you have fortuitous circumstances, such as a very supportive family etc. on the way to achieving your PhD?  Once you have the PhD (or whichever qualifications) of course the right doors tend to open.  However, mull on this Longman, if you did have fortuitous circumstances then would your life have travelled the same path were they not?  (If you achieved what you did in adverse circumstances then I applaud you for your Aspie determination to succeed.)

    You see, if you think about it, as the NICE Guidelines state for assessment of children, (paraphrasing) traits may not become obvious until the capacity to cope is exceeded...in other words the wrong circumstances.  An Aspie (indeed an autie), may get along very well in optimum circumstances.  Once an adverse environment is encountered, you can regress pretty sharpish.  At one point I appeared to be managing (if not excelling) and my capacity to cope is hugely diminished because of being overwhelmed for a long time in difficult circumstances.  Had my circumstances been different I may be in a different place right now.

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  • Did you have fortuitous circumstances, such as a very supportive family etc. on the way to achieving your PhD?  Once you have the PhD (or whichever qualifications) of course the right doors tend to open.  However, mull on this Longman, if you did have fortuitous circumstances then would your life have travelled the same path were they not?  (If you achieved what you did in adverse circumstances then I applaud you for your Aspie determination to succeed.)

    You see, if you think about it, as the NICE Guidelines state for assessment of children, (paraphrasing) traits may not become obvious until the capacity to cope is exceeded...in other words the wrong circumstances.  An Aspie (indeed an autie), may get along very well in optimum circumstances.  Once an adverse environment is encountered, you can regress pretty sharpish.  At one point I appeared to be managing (if not excelling) and my capacity to cope is hugely diminished because of being overwhelmed for a long time in difficult circumstances.  Had my circumstances been different I may be in a different place right now.

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