Good manners?

My daughter (9, likely AS) can sometimes be, what would be considered as, very rude. For instance, my mum kindly took her out for a trip with some other family members on a boat ride up the river.  On returning I asked my daughter if she had a good day, she said 'No, it was boring' which is bad enough in front of my mum.  I asked her to say thank you to Nanny for taking her out but she refused.  I felt terrible, so embarrassed. On hindsight I think her Aspergers mind worked it out as 'Why should I say thank you? I didn't enjoy it'. Fair enough, but she has to learn that it is only right to say thank you when you're given anything, even if it's not really what you want, if you get what I mean?

Should I push it?  I don't want her to be seen as an ungrateful brat (perhaps she is?) I also don't want to use AS as an excuse for rudeness.  I know if I push the issue at the time it's likely to cause a major strop from her and probably in me losing my temper.  Trying to broach the subject after is tricky when it's 'out of context', she ends up having a strop, then I can't talk to her at all.

Aww, I feel such a bad parent, I try to be understanding and tolerant but my NT mind just doesn't 'get it' sometimes!

Parents
  • Thank you all for your input.

    I had the conversation with her earlier regarding her reaction to the day out, it went quite well.  I explained that if she comes across as ungrateful it will hurt people's feelings and other stuff along those lines, she took a few seconds to process what I'd told her then said 'Right, I've got that, OK.' Cool

    I then went one step too far and tried to broach the subject of how she gets upset and won't talk about it and how we could try to deal with it (see previous post, 'feeling guilty'). She immediately 'shut down' got the sulky look, turned her head away and stopped listening.

    And it was all going so well! [slaps wrist] naughty mummy! Frown

     

Reply
  • Thank you all for your input.

    I had the conversation with her earlier regarding her reaction to the day out, it went quite well.  I explained that if she comes across as ungrateful it will hurt people's feelings and other stuff along those lines, she took a few seconds to process what I'd told her then said 'Right, I've got that, OK.' Cool

    I then went one step too far and tried to broach the subject of how she gets upset and won't talk about it and how we could try to deal with it (see previous post, 'feeling guilty'). She immediately 'shut down' got the sulky look, turned her head away and stopped listening.

    And it was all going so well! [slaps wrist] naughty mummy! Frown

     

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