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6 year old Aspergers son has just been called a retard :(

Dude's mum

Hi All,

This is my first time on here (or anywhere), so I should perhaps give a bit of background - sorry if I go on a bit.

 

My son has been diagnosed with ASD in the past few months (something we always knew would happen) and has fortunately already been moved to a specialist school.

Although I'm starting to understand how my son feels and why he behaves the way he does, I'm not sure how I should be behaving as his mum anymore Frown Do I apologise for him? Do I make excuses for him? Should I be more lenient or more strict? I've never been an overprotective mum, leaning more towards letting him figure stuff out for himself.

But now I feel like I want to be with him constantly and want to explain to everyone we meet why he does things. We've just been out for a bike ride and as we came past the park he asked if he could go. But I said no, as there were a number of kids already playing there and I just can't stand seeing kids laughing at him or not understanding him, when all he wants to do is make friends and make people laugh.

 

But a couple of kids started walking over to us, saying "there's that retard with the glasses", "the one with the stupid songs". Even though I was right there, they were calling him a retard and laughing!!!! Luckily, my son didn't hear and I waited to come home until I cried. Am I overeacting?

 

I want to be one of these parents who doesn't care what other people say, but for all his percularities, my son is sweet, funny, caring and very affectionate and I want everyone to know.

 

Any advice would be hugely appreciated, as I feel very alone right now

 

Leah x

  • better sensitive than cruel

    I would recommend a martial arts class for his "balance" and defense. The world is full of little bastards, prepare him.

     

  • Thanks for replying, this is all really hard to take sometimes.

     

    I have always brought my son up to be accepting of others and explained that everyone's different and we should never make fun of people. So he doesn't understand when people do it to him.

    He wants to chat to everyone about everything and loves singing and dancing (entertaining people in general), but to some kids this is weird. I wish I could let him out to play and run around (safely) with children his own age, as I feel like he's missing out.

  • Firstly, you are not alone.  At least 1% of the UK population is on the autistic spectrum (possibly more) so we are a significant minority.

    Children will always find something to be nasty about, they don't have fully developed empathy and peer pressure to be popular makes them taunt others to get a laugh.  Children can be so vindictive, and will spot a "weak" point to hone in on.  If it wasn't Asperger's, it would be that they thought someone's glasses were funny, they had uncool trainers - or whatever.

    As he has Asperger's, his IQ will be minimum of average, and a lot of Aspies have above average intelligence and excel at something.  If he has a subject (or special interest) that he does excel in, if someone calls him a retard again, you could ask them sarcastically whether they know (e.g.) how many planets in the solar system, or are 3 years above age in maths (or whatever talent he may have) because your son does and say "who's the retard now then?".

    Or, if he doesn't have a particular special talent you could just say, "Well in my book retards are the saddos who have nothing better to do than behave like prats and tease others because they don't have the brain to do anything more intelligent."  And tell your son to think of idiots like that in the same way.  Unfortunately poor parenting leads to this type of behaviour.  My children, who are both on the spectrum (as am I) have always been brought up not to hit others, not to tease or be nasty, and they don't.  Some parents let their children roam the streets unsupervised getting up to no good, it's hands-off parenting and it makes it almost inevitable that they will get up to no good at some point because there is no adult there to prevent it and parents that allow them such "freedom" just seem to want "me" time at the expense of their childrens' upbringing and allowing them to be unsupervised for lengthy periods shows they are the type not to teach them moral behaviours either. 

    You could also teach your son some non-aggressive come-backs for when he is in the playground and prone to comments - although if he is in a specialist school this may not happen as much.

    You should be neither more lenient or more strict because of his condition.  You obviously will need to go that extra mile in teaching him how to be safe and cautious socially because he will be behind age in those things.

    I would never apologise for him unless he hurts another child or does something that could be construed as nasty by others.