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Feeling guilty

Pink68

Just sounding off really.....

My daughter (9, as yet to be diagnosed Aspergers) sometimes gets upset for no apparent reason.  I try to be sympathetic and get her to tell me what's wrong, but she just pushes me away and tells me she doesn't want to talk about it.  I said to her yesterday (but in a raised voice, as she was walking away in a strop) 'If you don't tell me what's upset you how can I help?' She shouted 'I don't want any help!'

It hurts that she won't talk to me, but then I lose my temper because she won't talk about what's upset her, which upsets her more. Then I feel really guity and I can't comfort her because then I'M the cause of the upset. Cry Does that make sense?

I know it's hard for her to express what she's feeling, if only she would be able to tell me the cause of the upset.  As a parent you hate to see your child hurting and all you want to do is 'make it better', but when all attempts are refused, it's hard.

Parents

  • Pink68,

    I am glad you posted your let it out comment,,because I see a couple of things here, Guilt is expressed as result of loss of ego(self identity) by environment pressure, so we as humans seek to repair this loss by empathy (being nice) to repair the ego. So you only wished too help your daughter, your intention was totally right.

    Also the behaviour from your daughter has no clear rational explanation in your mind, so hence you post for a rational explanation because without it, your conscious mind will store it as a conflict in your sub-conscious mind, you will get a stress and anxiety disorder or even PTSD long-term if not resolved understanding of the event and probably lots of other daughter autism events, hence learning about the autistic condition protects your mind as a carer.

    Sorry this is the apsie analysis coming out of me. So solution, 1.) intense has already explained why, but I would suggest ask you daughter why she screamed at you, so at least you have a rational explanation,(which will probably be irrational), but it is an explanation, the behaviour was hers, not your behaviour. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. !

    You are a lovely mother, concerned for your daughter. We support you. Kiss

    Keep posting Smile

     

     

     

     

Reply

  • Pink68,

    I am glad you posted your let it out comment,,because I see a couple of things here, Guilt is expressed as result of loss of ego(self identity) by environment pressure, so we as humans seek to repair this loss by empathy (being nice) to repair the ego. So you only wished too help your daughter, your intention was totally right.

    Also the behaviour from your daughter has no clear rational explanation in your mind, so hence you post for a rational explanation because without it, your conscious mind will store it as a conflict in your sub-conscious mind, you will get a stress and anxiety disorder or even PTSD long-term if not resolved understanding of the event and probably lots of other daughter autism events, hence learning about the autistic condition protects your mind as a carer.

    Sorry this is the apsie analysis coming out of me. So solution, 1.) intense has already explained why, but I would suggest ask you daughter why she screamed at you, so at least you have a rational explanation,(which will probably be irrational), but it is an explanation, the behaviour was hers, not your behaviour. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. !

    You are a lovely mother, concerned for your daughter. We support you. Kiss

    Keep posting Smile

     

     

     

     

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