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Feeling guilty

Pink68

Just sounding off really.....

My daughter (9, as yet to be diagnosed Aspergers) sometimes gets upset for no apparent reason.  I try to be sympathetic and get her to tell me what's wrong, but she just pushes me away and tells me she doesn't want to talk about it.  I said to her yesterday (but in a raised voice, as she was walking away in a strop) 'If you don't tell me what's upset you how can I help?' She shouted 'I don't want any help!'

It hurts that she won't talk to me, but then I lose my temper because she won't talk about what's upset her, which upsets her more. Then I feel really guity and I can't comfort her because then I'M the cause of the upset. Cry Does that make sense?

I know it's hard for her to express what she's feeling, if only she would be able to tell me the cause of the upset.  As a parent you hate to see your child hurting and all you want to do is 'make it better', but when all attempts are refused, it's hard.

Parents

  • That was me with my Aspie hat on.  This is me with my parent of children with autism hat now.  Sometimes you do also need to push to get an Aspie talking, I've noticed with my eldest she will get in a strop and make out she really doesn't want to talk but if I persist she will sometimes let it all out and have a rare moment of needing a hug.  (as much as we have issues with socialising it doesn't mean we want to feel isolated either) It depends on how explosive she is being at the time as to whether I push it or not.  I explained to her that sometimes you just need to have a cry every so often to let things out as they build up, you don't even know why you are crying it is just that existential difficulty thing.  The least confrontational you can be the better, so I know it's really hard not to be fed-up with it and difficult to stay cool sometimes, but if you approach it softly, trying to judge the moment as to whether she is too angry to listen then it might work.

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  • That was me with my Aspie hat on.  This is me with my parent of children with autism hat now.  Sometimes you do also need to push to get an Aspie talking, I've noticed with my eldest she will get in a strop and make out she really doesn't want to talk but if I persist she will sometimes let it all out and have a rare moment of needing a hug.  (as much as we have issues with socialising it doesn't mean we want to feel isolated either) It depends on how explosive she is being at the time as to whether I push it or not.  I explained to her that sometimes you just need to have a cry every so often to let things out as they build up, you don't even know why you are crying it is just that existential difficulty thing.  The least confrontational you can be the better, so I know it's really hard not to be fed-up with it and difficult to stay cool sometimes, but if you approach it softly, trying to judge the moment as to whether she is too angry to listen then it might work.

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