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Daughter has displayed new behaviour

ParentingAutism

My daughter has displayed a new behaviour. The past week and a half, she has not been wearing shoes. In school, she will not wear them, if she goes offsite, depending where she's going, she will just slip them on so they aren't fully on or won't wear them if it's a short distance from the car to the building where she won't need to wear shoes, eg, flip out or ice skating. 

We aren't sure what is going on and the school have no clue because she wears shoes fine at home so it's only school. Hopefully someone can help us find an answer, so I will explain her day: 

Staff picked her up from home, she slipped her shoes on and straight away took them off in the car.

Drove to her Sport lesson, had no shoes on, when they arrived, she ran out the car onto the wet floor to go ice skating. Put skates on with help from staff with no problem. After her lesson she ran out the building, no shoes on and jumped in a massive puddle, started spinning round in circles so had wet feet and the bottom of her joggers were wet to but managed to persuade her to put clean dry socks on, no problem there. 

When they arrived back to school, she ran out the car, overwhelmed, not sure why yet because she was fine all morning. She ran out the car, no shoes on or coat, and it was raining and she is a quick runner so took them about 5 minutes to find her. When they found her she was dysregulated so they hugged her to calm her down, she tried running into the road so had to hold her so then she laid down on the road, next to the pavement so they moved her quickly. She was then banging her head on the wall and punching herself. She calmed down and she was shivering, soaked so staff got out the emergency foil blanket. She went back to school with staff, using staff shoes, and was wrapped up in blankets, hot chocolate, and a change of clothes. She then slept until it was time to go home. 

Don't know what happened today but she is refusing to wear shoes so school are buying some slippers so it's safe. The shoes aren't too big, too small, too tight but something isn't right but she hasn't said what. She is verbal so we do ask her. 

And one more thing, she keeps walking outside in the school garden when it's wet, which is basically everyday, with no shoes on, sits down or lies down. If anyone can have a guess with what's going on we appreciate it. 

Thank you for reading all this, she's never done this before and we want to help and understand. Sorry for the long post and rant. The school have emailed me everyday about this because it is worrying them and it isn't too safe for her to not wear shoes. It's only in school which is just confusing for everyone.

  • in reply to Catlover

    It could be that simple but doesnt make sense when she will point blank refuse to wear shoes in school but will wear them without being asked at home. They went slipper shopping today but no luck so trying again Monday. Her school is extremely relaxed, they can wear whatever, uniform or not. Since September she hasn't worn the uniform so wears her own clothes. They spoke about safety when out and about, she needs to wear shoes, even if they aren't on properly but at school she can wear slippers. She is happy with this. 

  • Maybe the reason is a simple one? She now prefers to be barefoot. It can and does happen. A complete u turn.

    This has nothing to do with your question, but my daughter didn’t want to wear school shoes. She wasn’t comfortable, and her feet felt too close to the floor. So much so, she didn’t want to go to school, but often felt forced to mask and do it anyway, which made her feel unwell. In the end, they allowed her to wear trainers. But trainers or not, she hated to get wet feet while wearing shoes, and to stand on ‘dirty’ floors, like that of the cafeteria at lunchtimes.

  • in reply to Glitter

    She went ice skating with school and she said she loves it and is happy sharing a car with another student and that she can sit next to her favourite staff in the car and listen to her music. She says that ice skating is fun and is quiet because there's not many people because everyone's at school. She also has the support from staff when she struggles to ice skate but she is a good ice skater and has no problems with it. Staff say that she is better than them, able to skate on one foot and do spins so it's not difficult for her. 

    She has a schedule for her lesson, has a timer for when they need to start putting shoes on, and staff can help her if she needs it but she just refuses to put shoes on and will be happy to walk out without them. It's a confusing situation. 

    They said they sorted out the problems/worries she had on the way back and seemed fine and her favourite staff, 2 of them in the car with her, can realise when she is struggling before anything happens. They are amazing with her. But obviously something wasn't right when she legged it down the road. 

  • ParentingAutism said:
    When they arrived back to school, she ran out the car, overwhelmed, not sure why yet because she was fine all morning.

    This is, I believe, a hint to the issue.  Autistic people don't go from fine to overwhelmed.  Think of it like a bucket, and each thing that we have to deal with adds more water to the bucket, until it overflows.  Autistic people don't express things in the same way, and we can also learn to try to mask our difficulties so that we don't appear as weird or different to everyone else.

    Going ice skating would have been a much more difficult task for an autistic person than a non-autistic one.  It's a new environment which is very busy and there is a very high level of sensory, social and cognitive information to process.  It's likely that she was in a high alert state throughout the day, and the overload was a natural release once the event was over, like collapsing at the end of a long race.

    If she's fine wearing them at home, then it's possible that taking off her shoes is her way of showing that she doesn't want to go somewhere. She understands the need for shoes, and by taking them off she's indicating that she is not ready to leave the house.

    And even when someone is verbal, it doesn't mean that they can talk freely about everything.  I am verbal in most situations, enough to hold down a job and so on, but I still struggled tremendously to talk about my own needs or when something is bothering me.  As a lighthearted example, I once spent three whole days trying to work out how to tell my partner that I didn't like the sausages they bought.  Your daughter may understand that you plan these activities to be a good thing for her, so she feels bad about finding them stressful.

    I'm not saying this is definitely the case, but it's another perspective to consider.

  • in reply to GuybrushThreepwood

    No she won't tolerate going to get her feet measured. She hasn't had a growth spurt and I've checked her shoes and they all fit fine. She wears them no problem when we go out at home, only doesn't wear them at school. She does have 3 pairs of shoes but has only been using the one pair recently. She won't wear any. Her whole life she has hated being bare footed and would need to wear slippers outside and at home she will just scream if she goes into certain rooms without shoes on which I don't know why that's about. It's only the past week and a half where she is refusing to wear any shoes and slippers and keeps getting wet even though they are both the biggest sensory issues she hates and won't tolerate so I don't know why she keeps doing it. 

  • in reply to Jasmineb1999

     

    https://www.vivobarefoot.com/uk/kids

    i’ve never personally bought these but had them recommend.

  • I am seriously concerned about her safety at this school more so than the shoes. Loosing her for 5 minutes, near a road, that’s not ok and could end disastrously. I always take my shoes off. I do it unconsciously. Teachers were always telling me off, even now if I was at the cinema I would take my shoes off. I also tip-toe walk so that might be part of it? Thinking about it my younger siblings are the same. They get through hundreds of socks because they refuse to wear shoes in the garden. But they are home Ed so don’t have to worry about it. I would say it’s probably sensory and see likes the feeling of no shoes. It is natural. If you stop reacting to it then you can work out whether it’s attention seeking but I highly doubt it is. I would explain the dangers of having no shoes eg stepping on sharp objects etc. and allow her to make the choice. You can buy natural shoes that are designed specifically for those who prefer to be bare foot. I will see if I can find the website.

  • Has she had a growth spurt? Even if the shoes still go on her feet they can feel really uncomfortable. My daughter went through a phase of refusing to wear her dance shoes, it wasn’t until they wouldn’t go on one day that I realised they’d been hurting for weeks but she didn’t say. Bought her bigger ones and she started joining in with her lessons again. Would she tolerate going to somewhere like Clarks to get measured?