• Replies 4 replies
  • Subscribers 68 subscribers
  • Views 1056 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

13 year old daughter destructive obsession with appearance

NAS84310

Hi. I am new to the forum but hoping that someone can offer some ideas/support.

My daughter is in mainstream school but her mental health has hit rock bottom and she can't see the point in life. She is on a part time timetable at school but is struggling to go in as she can't handle anyone looking at her as she feels too ugly, too fat, hair is too greasy. When she does attend a lesson she spends it focussed on hiding her face as she doesn't want anyone to look at her. She says that the only time she feels OK is when she has had a shower and is sitting in her dressing gown on her own in her bedroom listening to music.

She is obsessed with calories and asked that we put any treat food in a locked cupboard, which we have done. We also use the DLA to fund private weekly counselling. We are on a waiting list for CAMHS to discuss medication but there is an 8 month wait. I still have to sleep with her every evening and we have very sad and distressing conversations before we fall asleep. It's exhausting!

The biggest challenge really is school - I wish we could fast forward to college as she wants to study beauty and I am confident that once she is studying her passion that she will find it easier to attend, but if we can't increase her school attendance then I am concerned that college won't even be an option. I work full time and so home schooling is not an option - although that would be her preference. I am also not sure if home schooling would  be the right thing.

Is there anyone else out there in a similar situation? 

Parents

  • the only advice I can really give is on the home Ed front. After 6 months of being home Ed some colleges allow children from the ages of 14 to attend college. It’s seriously worth looking into. See if any local colleges offer this. Some even take on children who are struggling in school. If she’s old enough she could start this September. I know you say you work full time, home Ed doesn’t have to be during school hours. All you would really need is childcare because it sounds to me like your daughter needs to unschool for a good few months anyway. And anything counts as education from gardening to sewing to making art. Even learning about beauty would be classed as an education. Listening to music or making music counts too. All can be done fairly independently.You may be able to say that school is not meeting needs and get funding to home Ed. To allow you to pay for tutor etc. Is there anyone who could be a present adult,  a grandparent or family friend? I was in your daughter position 8 years ago now and home ed saved my life. So I couldn’t advocate for it more.

  • in reply to Jasmineb1999

    I didn't know this so that is really helpful,  thank you. We worry about her becoming isolated if she doesn't attend school, so this would be a very good option as she doesn't want to 'fail' education as she is academically able. Thank you again 

  • in reply to NAS84310

    I’m always sad when I hear that people think by not going to school they are going to fail their education. My brother doesn’t have a single gcse and is doing a uni apprenticeship in business management. 5 GCSE’s is all anyone really needs (unless a chosen career requires otherwise) but for beauty all you really need is gcse English and Maths. Most colleges will let you do that alongside a level 2 course and then progress to level 3. You can also take GCSE’s as a private candidate so school certainly isn’t the only way. If you are on Facebook try joining a few local home Ed groups they will know which colleges are home Ed friendly and you can see how many social activities are available. Home Ed doesn’t have to mean being isolated.

Reply
  • in reply to NAS84310

    I’m always sad when I hear that people think by not going to school they are going to fail their education. My brother doesn’t have a single gcse and is doing a uni apprenticeship in business management. 5 GCSE’s is all anyone really needs (unless a chosen career requires otherwise) but for beauty all you really need is gcse English and Maths. Most colleges will let you do that alongside a level 2 course and then progress to level 3. You can also take GCSE’s as a private candidate so school certainly isn’t the only way. If you are on Facebook try joining a few local home Ed groups they will know which colleges are home Ed friendly and you can see how many social activities are available. Home Ed doesn’t have to mean being isolated.

Children
No Data