He doesn’t lack any skills, he is just overwhelmed and shuts down to manage his emotions, and process things. If he doesn’t like to talk about these things, maybe ask is he would like to write them down instead.
yh maby that wasn't the best wording but it feels like when he shuts down he just surpasses the emotions instead of dealing with them until it gets to much and he meltdowns. im not sure if im just not understanding his process or if im making him worse or if he needs like help.
The problem is that autistics tend not to recognise their emotional state until their ability to cope with a situation no longer exists. There are then two options to deal with the feelings that are totally overwhelming, to shut down or meltdown. Once the crisis, whether internalised or externalised, is over, the triggering situation is no longer unbearable, until of course it builds up again, or some other unbearable situation arises.
No one chooses to shut down or meltdown, it becomes the only possible thing to do. One way to diffuse this cycle is to ask an autistic person to try to analyse and describe how they are feeling between episodes, or at least to talk through any problems that they may be facing, by making suggestions about possible difficulties.
The problem is that autistics tend not to recognise their emotional state until their ability to cope with a situation no longer exists. There are then two options to deal with the feelings that are totally overwhelming, to shut down or meltdown. Once the crisis, whether internalised or externalised, is over, the triggering situation is no longer unbearable, until of course it builds up again, or some other unbearable situation arises.
No one chooses to shut down or meltdown, it becomes the only possible thing to do. One way to diffuse this cycle is to ask an autistic person to try to analyse and describe how they are feeling between episodes, or at least to talk through any problems that they may be facing, by making suggestions about possible difficulties.
