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Sleep and school

NAS79621

My son is just about to turn 9 and sleep has been a big problem for a long time... 

He takes ages to fall asleep , says he needs me,  asks lots of worrying questions and needs a promise theses worries won't happen to him .

He takes ages to go to sleep  eventually falls asleep but then is up and down all night to get into bed , 9 times out of 10 .he ends up in bed at some point in the night .

It's  exhausting for me so it most definitely must be for him . 

I am aware of melatonin but don't know how I feel about this for him and if it would work 

Since his diagnosis couple of years ago , I feel we've just been left to it , there's got to be help out there for us ? 

He has major anxiety too . 

Then school he is in mainstream school but again every morning is a battle about going . 

Then in evenings it's a drama about his day then bedtime approaches and it's another drama .

I guess I'm just looking for some tips , advice etc 

I'm an exhausted and drained mama 

  • All Problems have a Solution.

    This is part of a Drive for Resolution, which I believe is more potent to the Autistic mind. It can have a negative effect just like the Non-autistic drive for Power Over others. The Non-Autistic can use this power over to dominate or to steward and support. Anything can be used for good or evil, really.

    The drive for resolution seems to be part of this ability to make incredible connexions, thanks to more Gamma waves, but can include better Alpha waves. A recent study showed that these gamma waves in Autistic and ADHD individuals can accelerate out of control and turn from excitement to anxiety. So, we're not really wired to just 'sweep things under a rug'. It's far better for our health and safety to learn to properly excavate and solve (as best we can) problems.  

    I have 2 brothers in maths, one working at a company like CERN a father in physics and engineering, a brother who's a neurologist. I made a near escape being expected to grow up to be a good housewife and learned to captain a music studio and work in post production. Most of us have sleep issues. Not sleeping is a matter of not wearing the mind out properly. Some need physical exhaustion. But I need intense study to sleep properly. Headed toward 50 and my reading list is mostly doctorate material I cannot wait to dig through. 

    The autistic mind can be making incredible connexions, which in turn can solve big human problems. When we're young we need to understand the fundamentals of critical thinking and problem-solving. A logic class will be crucial. 

    There is a philosophy group for kids: https://www.sapere.org.uk you could get him involved with.

    But more importantly, here's what I've found works.

    1. Make a list of all the dilemmas and the solutions you've discovered to solve them. Like walking up/down the stairs. Yes, I could fall and end up in hospital in a myriad of ways (troubleshooting Danger is incredibly important for building bridges, foraging mushroom and all matters of health and safety in society). I the write down the things I need to do in order to take control of the situation. Don't take more than I can carry. Focus on the one task: walking up the stairs. Count each stair every day, for the rest of my life if need be, and yes I do this. Mind footwear. Always hold the rail. And all will be well!

    Don't hold back from writing every single "Worry" down. These are not worries. They are actual complexities which require troubleshooting and every problem (maths, social, historical, biochemical, etc.) involves awareness. Identifying what an action is called in order to attain a type of control over that action is important. Writing every single detail is the first step in arresting a problem, it actually helps identify everything in need of a solution and transferring everything from my head to the paper is a type of relief.

    2. Exhaust his brain with education. He's not using it to potential or capacity if he's trying to solve a flurry of daily problems or even gigantic issues like what if gravity stops or what if the sun becomes a black hole. Oddly, gigantic problems can make small ones pointless depending on where he's at intellectually. 

    3. The questions he's asking can begin to shape his career. Life is really found in the questions / quests we're after. It's not just important to ask but to ask the right ones.

    4. Bedtime can be aided by indulging in puzzles or problem solving games. Sometimes reading a lengthy book will help the imagination get lost just enough in something more engaging which redirects focus. You could encourage him to read starting a half hour before bed and give the imagination the wealth it needs to help calm the brain. Allow him to read himself to sleep. But if the book is triggering issues desperately in need of resolution, then it's important to help him write them down. If resolution is needed at home (and we all have these things), see if there's something which can be folded into a daily task. 

    It's really important he learn: We can solve one problem at a time, we cannot do everything at once. And that all problems have solutions, many take time and so we need to allow ourselves to slowly fix them one step at a time. 

    This kind of thinking has a great deal of potential. But yes, it can wear a parent out, however, never discourage this. Sudoku can even be a good shout.