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Severe autistic son moving out

sjm3

Hi all, I’m currently in the process of finding a forever home for my son since I am struggling with his care , I can not explain how guilty I feel and how over worried about it all , he is non verbal and has no communication . He basically lives in his own world and is totally reliant on others to help with every aspect of his needs , is there anyone who is going through similar or can give me some wise words to lessen this worry! Also any questions you think I should be asking the care providers when I go look round , I have a viewing of 2 bungalows next week , one is shared the other would be just him , so that’s another destition do I want him sharing or alone , overwhelming doesn’t cover it! Thanks for readying

  • He requires his own space. If he isn't social, then shared accommodation won't work; I know from my own experience. I was evicted, in the past, for being Antisocial. 

  • You have stated that he 'lives in his own world'. That would suggest that he would be more suited to living alone in his own bungalow, assuming he would have sufficient support from visiting carers. A shared place will have so many aspects that are outside of his control.

    As an autistic adult with significantly less support needs than your son, the idea of shared accommodation is terrifying for me. I choose to live alone and have done most of my adult life. 

    I appreciate how overwhelming the decision is and you want to get it right for your son. There are so many things to consider, such as does he enjoy the company of others? Will the presence of others create situations which could result in sensory overload for him (noise, smells, lights, etc)?

    Would he be able to accompany you on the viewings to give you any sense of where he seems more comfortable?

    Ultimately you know your son better than anyone else and I am sure you will be able to make the right decision for him. 

    Autistic people find change difficult and it will take time for him to adapt to such huge changes in his life. One aspect that may be worth considering is the likely availability of options to change if it doesn't work out. Are shared places easier to find than sole occupancy bungalows? If so it might be possible to move to a shared place in the future if he doesn't adapt well to living alone.

  • Hello, maybe think of the relief that you can still watch how this solution fits his needs when you are still there and make sure he has a sustainable future. So many mums worry about what will happen to their kid when they die when they are the only one to give them care their entire life. I sincerely hope you can find peace of mind, you must be exhausted after long years of constant care.