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Challenging behaviour and puberty

NAS82583

Hi everyone, I’ll apologise now for the long post but I’m on the edge of a nervous breakdown and need help.

I'm the mother of a 10yr old boy who was diagnosed with ASD last year. He has just started yr6 and he has started going through puberty. 

His behaviour has always been challenging but in the last 6 months it has got a lot worse. I don’t like to call him naughty because I know it’s his ASD not him. He is an energetic, happy boy most of the time but his anxiety levels have rocketed and he dis-regulates (has a meltdown) several times a day, at home and at school. He gets very distressed and will scream, hit his head, bite his hand and throw things.

He also has ritualistic behaviours. He developed one over the summer holidays where when he wants to talk to me (or anyone) he will stand up straight then bow forward a few times while licking  his lips and then say the word or sentence very clearly. If he feels he hasn’t done the routine properly in anyway (which happens a lot) he will have to do the whole thing again, if he still doesn’t feel happy he will have a meltdown. 

Its breaking my heart to see him so distressed. I know he’s started puberty by the physical signs, but also by the way he’ll cry a lot more now when he has a meltdown when he wouldn’t before. 

I feel like my family is a mess. My husband has recently fallen ill with what we think is an auto immune disease but is yet to be diagnosed. So he’s in a lot of pain. We have a younger boy of 7 who is a little angel to be honest, he is very patient with his brothers behaviours and has a caring soul. But with my husband Ill it has really effected my older son. His dad would take him to school while I work but now his routine has been changed and his aunt (my sister) takes him. 

I’ve also had big disagreements with my husband on how to handle our sons behaviour. He is the more disciplinary one out of us and he has little patience for our sons ritual routines, where as I try to stay calm and let him carry out his routines because I know he’s using them as a coping strategy for his communication issues. We have discussed this but he thinks it’s making him worse. I spoke to his TA (she’s brilliant) and she thinks it is a coping strategy but he’s got so fixated on it that now it’s gone full circle and causes him anxiety. So we’re both right!

And to top it all off there’s the transition to secondary school looming. The county have mislaid his application for an EHCP and we’re going to miss the dead line for applying to the school we have chosen.

The stress is starting to get to me and it would be nice to hear if others are going through the same thing and how you cope/handle the challenging behaviour of an autistic child going through puberty!?

Thanks for letting me rant, even if know one replies, it’s been quite cathartic writing this.

Parents

  • Hello, that's very much on a single plate! I understand as the empath of the family you feel you have to be the one maintaining the unity but everyone has to do its share the way they can, it cannot all depend on you. 

    I share puberty struggles and please take it with own consideration as I am not a therapist, what helps for my son is to expose him to novelty, not partial novelty as a part of the order is then altered but rather plain novelty. I try to alternate thigs that he fully controls and decides so that he knows he has an impact on his surrounding and experiences that are new (a place he has never gone to). Now he is asking himself when he wants "out of routine" experiences, we plan it together (seraching for pictures on internet etc) building both control over things and new experiences. When he finds a way that his not fully working and gets stuck I ask him to try and find another way (my alternative suggestions always get a minus 5 :-) ) but he eventually finds himself a new way. It is not all smooth by far but it is a way out from the authoritarian (imposed by adults) vs permissive (let him stuck in his loops) strategies. I am by no means saying you are too permissive, it was just to illustrate the extreme strategies.

    I hope you can have some time off for yourself to relax a bit!   

     

Reply

  • Hello, that's very much on a single plate! I understand as the empath of the family you feel you have to be the one maintaining the unity but everyone has to do its share the way they can, it cannot all depend on you. 

    I share puberty struggles and please take it with own consideration as I am not a therapist, what helps for my son is to expose him to novelty, not partial novelty as a part of the order is then altered but rather plain novelty. I try to alternate thigs that he fully controls and decides so that he knows he has an impact on his surrounding and experiences that are new (a place he has never gone to). Now he is asking himself when he wants "out of routine" experiences, we plan it together (seraching for pictures on internet etc) building both control over things and new experiences. When he finds a way that his not fully working and gets stuck I ask him to try and find another way (my alternative suggestions always get a minus 5 :-) ) but he eventually finds himself a new way. It is not all smooth by far but it is a way out from the authoritarian (imposed by adults) vs permissive (let him stuck in his loops) strategies. I am by no means saying you are too permissive, it was just to illustrate the extreme strategies.

    I hope you can have some time off for yourself to relax a bit!   

     

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