Effect of Pandemic

Hi, I personally miss the lockdown quite a lot at times- It was peaceful and I still got to go to the lab (I am a scientist) to run experiments but I did not have to do desk work from there which was great (plus no pressure to socialise or having to find a reason to avoid joint breaks/lunch etc- I did really like my colleagues though so I think I would have liked to spend more time with them though). I also realised I very much like online forms of socialising (eg. phone calls or video calls) and I prefer that over in person a lot of the time. I never met up with groups of people anyways so that was fine for me too and I love going for walks with people so when that was allowed it was a win-win for me too. However, I did also feel quite lonely during the second lockdown (I think possibly because of how/where I was living), though I am not sure it would have been much different without the lockdown. I loved the quiet on the streets as well when I did go out. 

School can be tough- it was for me. The challenge of it is probably even more noticable after a time away from it. Plus any change in routine is difficult anyways. But I think it is very important to have time to recuperate from things like school. I always barely made it from vacation to vacation. Odly though now that I am older and love my job I have the issue of finding weekends/days away from work very very hard to cope with... I think maybe due to the change in routine... not sure .

Personally I agree with your thoughts on lockdown and preferring calls although occasionally missing having brief casual conversations in passing, but don't miss the forced socializing. I too liked the walks in the quiet.

I find it hard at times when the week changes from routine of work to a fairly free time. I look forward to having time to do things then it all feels an effort. I guess this is similar to my son's experience.

Hi, I am in a similiar situation. My son had a huge "reset of anxiety" during lockdown that he enjoyed. Getting out of the lockdown has been extremely stressful also because it was full of changes and strange new rules, masks on/off, plastic curtains etc.. Now there are things he used to do that he still cannot face like public transports (but only those of our own town), school is a major issue although he is going to a very soft version of it (not strict, inclusive philosphy, focused on emotional development..). I also share part of the lockdown effects you describe personally but start to think my son has a different perception of time that adds to his coping problems. He does not seem to think in terms of past, present and future. Time context does not seem natural nor logic.. he seems to rely on causality and sequences but not time as such. Any thoughts on that?

That sounds good indeed! I am glad he is getting motivated. It could be that the source of motivation external vs internal is a key aspect. Looking at other kids, especially young ones I often notice their main source of motivation is external while internal motivation requires a very different setting. 

As for the planing I see it is largely cultural, when I lived in the Netherlands any social encounter had to be planned weeks in advance whereas in Spain it only takes minutes. When other's planning timescale interferes with ours I ask for rescheduling saying I am not availble at that time without explanations. It usually works well. 

It doesn't help here that friends make last minute plans to do things which makes it difficult for my son.

On the homework, my son has done very little since being at Secondary. However now he is in year 10 he has started doing some by his own decision and school have been helpful and encouraging when he has achieved some, so there is hope.

With my son (now 11), warnings (in 15 mintues.. ) worked for some time but lately he needs more context like the reason why although he does ask for it directly but expresses it in his own way. He also started to organise his own deceptions by planing something he likes and exploding close to leaving time so he couldn't make it in the end.. so we rescheduled it to overcome planned failure... There is a mix of will to control and lack of self control which is also typical in teen years and a own way to deal with everything so hard to help, no teaching allowed, help only accepted when asked for. ha ha Tricky! As for the homeworks I tried but it wasn't worth the meltdowns so I stopped. Once he just wrote Name: Mum saying that poor mum had homeworks to do.. My explanation that it was the teacher he had to trick and therefore he had tu put his own name although wanted me to do it, didn't work. Anyway it is fun and always full of surprises and a real training to open once mind along with the ups and downs.     

Thank you, that makes sense. It is very important to give a warning before something needs doing.

Going to school did follow a pattern here and he got in the same time. It seems now there are so many pressures it is really hard to get motivated and most of the time he is ready to leave in time.

The pattern sequence makes sense personally. I have a sequence I do things at work from the time I start. If I get asked to do something before I have done that, it feels uncomfortable and starts a sense of panic.. I even have to open up screens in a particular way and if one drops out I have to set them up again.

We tend to mix up correlations (things that happen at the same time) with causality (one thing that derives from another as a consequence of it). Sequences are patterns that always come in the same order. For example if I tell my son, we have to move now I get a tantrum but if I say the shuttle will be leaving in 10 minutes he comes. At school there is a lot of switching between activies without a reason for it. The problem I sense is it also not following a clear pattern/sequence..   It is chaotic so we use social time construct to make sense out of it and synchronize the group but what if this is unacceptable?

We tend to mix up correlations (things that happen at the same time) with causality (one thing that derives from another as a consequence of it). Sequences are patterns that always come in the same order. For example if I tell my son, we have to move now I get a tantrum but if I say the shuttle will be leaving in 10 minutes he comes. At school there is a lot of switching between activies without a reason for it. The problem I sense is it also not following a clear pattern/sequence..   It is chaotic so we use social time construct to make sense out of it and synchronize the group but what if this is unacceptable?

That sounds good indeed! I am glad he is getting motivated. It could be that the source of motivation external vs internal is a key aspect. Looking at other kids, especially young ones I often notice their main source of motivation is external while internal motivation requires a very different setting. 

As for the planing I see it is largely cultural, when I lived in the Netherlands any social encounter had to be planned weeks in advance whereas in Spain it only takes minutes. When other's planning timescale interferes with ours I ask for rescheduling saying I am not availble at that time without explanations. It usually works well. 

It doesn't help here that friends make last minute plans to do things which makes it difficult for my son.

On the homework, my son has done very little since being at Secondary. However now he is in year 10 he has started doing some by his own decision and school have been helpful and encouraging when he has achieved some, so there is hope.

With my son (now 11), warnings (in 15 mintues.. ) worked for some time but lately he needs more context like the reason why although he does ask for it directly but expresses it in his own way. He also started to organise his own deceptions by planing something he likes and exploding close to leaving time so he couldn't make it in the end.. so we rescheduled it to overcome planned failure... There is a mix of will to control and lack of self control which is also typical in teen years and a own way to deal with everything so hard to help, no teaching allowed, help only accepted when asked for. ha ha Tricky! As for the homeworks I tried but it wasn't worth the meltdowns so I stopped. Once he just wrote Name: Mum saying that poor mum had homeworks to do.. My explanation that it was the teacher he had to trick and therefore he had tu put his own name although wanted me to do it, didn't work. Anyway it is fun and always full of surprises and a real training to open once mind along with the ups and downs.     

Thank you, that makes sense. It is very important to give a warning before something needs doing.

Going to school did follow a pattern here and he got in the same time. It seems now there are so many pressures it is really hard to get motivated and most of the time he is ready to leave in time.

The pattern sequence makes sense personally. I have a sequence I do things at work from the time I start. If I get asked to do something before I have done that, it feels uncomfortable and starts a sense of panic.. I even have to open up screens in a particular way and if one drops out I have to set them up again.