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Daughter just started Uni and struggling

NAS82482

Hi all my first post here. Our daughter doesn’t have a diagnosis of autism but we are pretty certain that she does have autism and struggles with anxiety. We have other family members with confirmed diagnoses so we are familiar with the issues that this brings.  She was bullied at school and her anxiety has been quite acute for the last year (she barely went into school for her final year of A levels). She has struggled socially all the way through school and the experiences of the last year have made things worse for her confidence. 

She started at Uni last week (she didn’t want to go but felt she needs a degree) and is really struggling with the whole friendship thing. She was doing well and had met a few people but has suddenly decided they aren’t like her and she doesn’t really like them. Not liking people is quite a big issue for her.  Anyway, she seems to be managing her anxiety ok but has now seemingly made a whole load of assumptions about the people around her that means she’s come to the conclusion that she won’t make any friends, that she will be lonely for her entire degree and will not have anyone to live with:  whilst this is very early on, I’m struggling to convince her otherwise and, now that she has decided this will be the case, I’m concerned that her outward demeanour will be quite hostile and this will then be essentially a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

I just don’t know what to do. Does anyone have any wise words please? It’s such a struggle to know what on Earth to do for the best. 

thank you. 

Parents

  • Hi.  Just a quick reply - it really dependds on which University your daughter attends to what help she gets.  One of our twins attends Manchester University and they do not cater for any mental health needs, regardless of any diagnosis.  Her twin, our youngest son attends Bournemouth University who has given over and above additional help.  Our oldest son who does have an official diagnosis went to Hertordshire University who had all the additional support available, but only if "he accessed them" - which he did not and no prizes for guessing what happened. 

    Having said that, our oldest son was assessed by the University Student Services, while our youngest son went through Access 1st, an 'independendant ' assessment centre for University students.  You access them via www.gov.uk/disabled-students-allowance-assessment-centre.  You apply to DSA via Student Finance.  They will send out a DSA1 form to get the assessment.   They then assess for a DSA2 letter, which is what you give to Universities who pay for equipment, transport,  counselling  and any other support they have deemed the student needs.  I am not sure if it is discrimination, but the student dorms where our youngest son is, also has a mentor available as well as a couple of other students that probably need additional emotional support.  

    in any case get a Plan B ready if she wants to quit Uni, otherwise you will be in the sam predicament as us - having a 22 year old autistic person sitting at home getting fat and depresses and not doing anything. 

    Hope this helps.

    ARo

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  • Hi.  Just a quick reply - it really dependds on which University your daughter attends to what help she gets.  One of our twins attends Manchester University and they do not cater for any mental health needs, regardless of any diagnosis.  Her twin, our youngest son attends Bournemouth University who has given over and above additional help.  Our oldest son who does have an official diagnosis went to Hertordshire University who had all the additional support available, but only if "he accessed them" - which he did not and no prizes for guessing what happened. 

    Having said that, our oldest son was assessed by the University Student Services, while our youngest son went through Access 1st, an 'independendant ' assessment centre for University students.  You access them via www.gov.uk/disabled-students-allowance-assessment-centre.  You apply to DSA via Student Finance.  They will send out a DSA1 form to get the assessment.   They then assess for a DSA2 letter, which is what you give to Universities who pay for equipment, transport,  counselling  and any other support they have deemed the student needs.  I am not sure if it is discrimination, but the student dorms where our youngest son is, also has a mentor available as well as a couple of other students that probably need additional emotional support.  

    in any case get a Plan B ready if she wants to quit Uni, otherwise you will be in the sam predicament as us - having a 22 year old autistic person sitting at home getting fat and depresses and not doing anything. 

    Hope this helps.

    ARo

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