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Overwhelmed.

bluemoon

My 4 year old son is due to start school in September. He has high-functioning autism, and has been attending a SEN nursery twice a week for over a year, and has progressed well there. A couple of months ago he started at a mainstream nursery twice a week (in addition to the SEN nursery) and has regressed slightly. He's gone from playing with his friends at the SEN nursery to flinching away whenever another child goes near him. This isn't only at nursery -- if we're walking down the road and another child passes us, he will cry and hide behind me. 

Despite all of this, this week I was told that he should definitely start at a mainstream school in September. This was decided by the ICSS and the mainstream nursery staff, including my son's 1:1 support, seemingly ignoring the SEN nursery staff, who admit that he would not cope well in a mainstream setting. 

I'm just so confused. I turned down a place at a nearby mainstream school after being told that he wouldn't handle that environment. Now I cannot get hold of the ICSS -- voicemail every time, and my messages are never returned. Apparently they've told the mainstream nursery staff that I absolutely need to hurry and work something out with the LEA admissions department, but they won't tell me that directly, and it's going againt everything the SEN nursery staff are saying. 

I don't know who to believe, and I've lost so much faith in the LA as a whole that I'm considering homeschool, at least for the first year. But would that just worsen his social difficulties? 

Sorry for the essay. Any advice/support welcome.

  • Hi there - I don't really have any experience in this exact area but always keep homeschooling as an option in the back of my mind.  When I have mentioned it to other people their reaction is, as I could have predicted, negative.  However, I wouldn't ever let this deter me if I thought it was the right thing for my child.  The most common thing I have heard is, just as you have highlighted, that homeschooling would worsen his social difficulties.  In my opinion, that is nonsense.  It is just a way of us NT's trying to force a child with ASD into our own social processes. 

     As Tandemum says, socialisation is about so much more than simply meeting people your own age.  As an adult, I have a mix of friends of varying ages anyway.  I think homeschooling can have a very positive outcome and actually, on this forum, I can't think of any people with ASD who have said it caused them any harm at all.  If anything, I think it can be their saviour. 

    Don't let yourself get caught up in the bureaucracy or be forced in to a decision.  Keep a note of phone calls/messages left and make the decision that's right for your family. 

    All the best

  • Hi Bluemoon,

    I'm sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time.  I had a similar p[roblem with my eldest son.  He has high functioning autism and went from 5 mornings a week at a SEN nursery to full time at a mainstream primary school, in the September, with a full statement.  He regressed and we eventually removed him and started home education because the LEA would not listen to anything we said and spent most meetings congratulating themselves on what a wonderful job they were doing. 

    We now home school both sons, youngest has Aspergers, and it was the best decision we have made.  Both are able to follow what they are interested in.  When we started home schooling we were worried about how they would manage socialising but have been amazed at how well they cope, now.  Socialising isn't just about meeting people your own age, it's about dealing with people in shops, the library, at the park etc., and it has taken a couple of years but my boys are now confident to talk to people in many settings.

    Hope this  helps.