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New to this

Chivvy

Hello

I'm the mum of a 15yo girl only just going through diagnosis.

I'm new to this it's been a terrible journey to diagnosis and when I get these moments to myself (rare) I feel such a sense of loss, a real sense of grief. People say your child is still the same child but I can't see that as mine has masked for 15 years and now doesn't mask (which is good) but that kind of makes her different to the way she was. And I know we're in the thick of bad stuff right now and it will get better.

I just wanted to reach out, see if someone out there knows what it is to feel lost and loss in the wake of new diagnosis after 15 years.

 And actually I just want to state it fairly anonymously that this stuff hurts. 

I know I'll feel better at some point.

Thanks for reading.

Parents

  • I’ll be brutally honest here - I sometimes hear people talk about feeling a sense of ‘grief’ and ‘loss’ when their child is diagnosed with autism and I find it quite upsetting. Imagine if your child felt like that about you if you received a diagnosis of something like depression, or dementia? You need to be 100% on your daughter’s side - being autistic is an intrinsic part of your daughter and if you truly love and accept her you should accept and love  ALL OF HER - not just the ‘easy’ parts. Embrace everything that your daughter is - it’s impossible to separate autistic people from their ‘autistic-ness’ - if you can’t love her autistic identity then you don’t love her. 
    I understand it can take time to adjust but she needs you to be 100% on her side. It’s harder for her than for you and you need to step up and be there for her, and accept her on every level. 

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  • I’ll be brutally honest here - I sometimes hear people talk about feeling a sense of ‘grief’ and ‘loss’ when their child is diagnosed with autism and I find it quite upsetting. Imagine if your child felt like that about you if you received a diagnosis of something like depression, or dementia? You need to be 100% on your daughter’s side - being autistic is an intrinsic part of your daughter and if you truly love and accept her you should accept and love  ALL OF HER - not just the ‘easy’ parts. Embrace everything that your daughter is - it’s impossible to separate autistic people from their ‘autistic-ness’ - if you can’t love her autistic identity then you don’t love her. 
    I understand it can take time to adjust but she needs you to be 100% on her side. It’s harder for her than for you and you need to step up and be there for her, and accept her on every level. 

Children
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