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Wetting! SOS

Liliana81

Hi all, 

My little boy, almost 5, is awaiting his diagnostic assessment for ASD but has been identified as having "autistic development". We are also awaiting occupational therapy which should have started before he began Reception but that was now a few weeks ago. 

Essentially, he wets himself all the time, occasionally we'll get a dry day but lately it seems to be getting worse. Today he wet his pants five times, three at school and two at home. We've tried everything, bribery, charts, reminding him constantly, but when he's engaged in his thing - at the moment, planets - it's as if he's completely transfixed and nothing else matters, not even basic bodily functions and I'm convinced he knows he's going but he doesn't care, he's too engrossed. 

I am tearing my hair out. I am putting the washing machine on every day, sometimes more. Nobody can afford to do that at the moment. 

Absolutely despairing here so any advice gratefully received. 

Thank you xx

  • I also had some problems growing up last wet as a child at 14yrs then dry for several yrs then when older became double incontinent.My wife is a super caregiver.

  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    Thanks so much for your replies, super helpful, and thanks @Juniper for the tip on the clock, great idea, he'll love that! The school's attitude is that they'd rather him not go back to pull-ups – I've offered – but they feel it would be a backward step, I do get it. He's only just been given his Individual Education Plan and they have some ideas re toileting and reward systems on that. I've since read that if he properly understands he can go back to his "thing" after he's done a wee, then he'll be more inclined to take a break from it, and visual reminders can help. For when he's watching his space videos on the computer for example, I've printed out pictures of the keyboard and space bar, and the toilet(!) and stuck them close to the screen. He's also recently discovered a book on the body and he's suddenly into parts of the body and how it all works, so we've spoken about the brain sending signals to the bladder, etc, and he seems to have taken it in. We've had two dry days in a row, possibly the first time ever, so fingers crossed we've turned a corner. @NAS, I cannot imagine the stress and horror of the poo smearing, glad to hear that's behind you.

  • This is part of the autistic brain - it's quite amazing this 'hyper-focus', and until he can recognise how to work with this type of focus, I'd recommend pull-ups. The non-autistic brain works different and so most of society is built around this different way of thinking which doesn't typically have the same abilities. 

    This is the same sort of 'natural talent' we might think about as a gift being a 'curse' until we learn how to mature into it or work with it and not have it work against us. From my further research, this is a part of the Autistic full-brain thinking, which is Monotropic https://monotropism.org, capable of a flow-state which yogis might train decades for, we just naturally possess this. This same part of our brain makes incredible connexions which analysts might go to school for, and again, we can be naturally talented at. So yes, it is a 'transfixed' state. Interruptions can be some of the most difficult - for the rest of our lives. I don't transition well. I have alarms for everything and pre-set my timings.

    What you'll need to do, is simply help him learn to work with a set timed schedule for using the toilet. It can help to get a clock for him and help him learn to understand it. I might suggest a digital 24 hour clock, as it's better suited to many of us who might have difficult with am/pm - add a 12 hour clock is just confusing when transport is on 24.

    I'm sorry this is frustrating. Allow yourself to work with the issue. Autistic individuals mature completely different then our Typical peers. We have certain talents and strengths others won't have. :) 

  • my autistic son was in pull ups until around 6 years old, he also done poo smearing until around the same age, i think its a processing thing ? looking back, at the same time he stopped daytime wetting he also became body aware, he started to pay attention with morning routine, getting dressed and teeth brushing etc. he was out of night time pull ups a few years later. sainsburys do really cheap pull ups, i used to do pants for home and pull ups when out and they 1 pack could last a week

  • Hello ,

    I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time with your son's toileting. You may find some of the information below useful:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/toileting/parents

    All the best,

    ChloeMod

  • in reply to Ian

    Thank you! I'll certainly look into that. 

  • At five he is still young. I read that wetting may be due to the delayed myelination of the nerves serving the bladder, and that this may improve with age. There is a lot of information on the web around enuresis (wetting) for all kids, not just autistic kids. Good luck!