Transition to college

Hi - my son is autistic and also has Selective Mutism and has social anxiety. He has previously been attending college but eventually it was too much for him. I empathise with your daughter because I know just how hard it is to be in busy educational settings when you have these challenges. My son tried so hard to keep attending college but it was putting too much pressure on him and was affecting his mental health. So stressful. We are just investigating online learning options - but at the moment he’s just so relieved to have the pressure lifted off him. I wish you and your daughter luck - and I’m here for you if you want to talk. Selective Mutism is such a challenging thing. x 

Thanks for the reply Kate. So has your son been able to just drop out of college?  I wasn't sure that's possible but I'm worried it's the situation that we'll end up in. 

Thanks for the reply Kate. So has your son been able to just drop out of college?  I wasn't sure that's possible but I'm worried it's the situation that we'll end up in. 

I'm sorry to hear that you had such problems trying to get your son the support he needs in an educational setting. I really hope that he is able to find an environment in which he can achieve his potential.

I experience situational mutism too, mainly in group settings and on the phone. My time in secondary school and 6th form college was filled with constant fear, in case the teacher might ask me a question. I began to avoid attending lessons where I knew that was likely to happen. Also I could not speak up and ask if I needed something.

I'm now a strong believer that autistic people should have the right to communicate in whatever way works best for them in all settings and situations. Society places far too much emphasis on and expectations around spoken words. In our modern technological world there are plenty of alternative methods and AAC devices. 

I don't know if you've seen the Aucademy videos on situational mutism? They use that term rather than selective, as it isn't something that is voluntary. They give a good insight into the autistic experience.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khoFGJG4xsg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJ44rHvSdMg

My heart goes out to your daughter - Selective Mutism is such an incredibly challenging thing to live with - and in our experience the lack of support and therapy is staggering when you consider the impact it has on their education,  mental health and just their ability to enjoy a normal life. It is heartbreaking - I agree. 
I’m sorry you couldn’t get the EHCP - the system is failing thousands of children and young adults. It’s negligent in my view. The EHCP definitely helps but even with it we simply could not get my son’s college or the LA to provide adequate support. We spent years and years battling to get my son more help for his Selective Mutism. We even when to the LA Ombudsman - they found in our favour - paid us a few hundred quid (an insult really when you think how my son had suffered due to their negligence) but we STILL couldn’t get the support in place for him in school. It’s dire. 
Anyway - I’m sorry that your daughter has struggled - she has my sympathy, my empathy and my admiration - because living with this is so hard. 
I know it’s so hard for parents too - I’m sorry - solidarity with you too. 
I hope you can find good online options - if that’s what she would like to do. Has she considered volunteering anywhere? Is her SM just in educational settings? I think after so many years of struggling in School all educational settings are just too stressful because the association is there of so much unhappiness. 
I try to keep positive though because I know that my son is a wonderful person with so much to offer as a human being - and if there is no place for him in society then frankly it’s not much of a society. I truly believe we can find a way for my son to have a decent quality of life, and find a way to help him to connect with people. I won’t ever give up on helping him to do that. He’s wonderful - and I know eventually he will find a way to flourish. I believe that living with Selective Mutism demands the most incredible courage and that’s not acknowledged enough. It is the hardest, HARDEST thing. People just don’t realise. My son is a hero to me - all the years he kept courageously going in to school day after damn day  - trapped in silence but surrounded by all those voices and all that noise. If they can get through that then they deserve something truly good and some reward and I’m determined to work on him finding that in his life - in some form that works for him. I believe in my son and his potential. 
There are accepted forms of ‘success’ in our society that are actually very narrow. I’m not interested in those - because they’re not going to work for my son. We have to define our own terms and find our own way. It might not look like success in any conventional sense - but I don’t care one jot what anyone else thinks. My son’s happiness is my priority and I’m approaching that with as much imagination and open mindedness and ingenuity as I can.
Your daughter is so young - she has time on her side. It her Selective Mutism is situational (as my son’s is) I’d get her out of that situation. College isn’t everything - there are so many other possibilities. For the moment she might just need to have complete rest so that she can reset and recover,

I really do wish you both well.  

She toyed with the idea of nursing or midwifery and she's very interested in sociology but she's already written off her employment chances due to the selective mutism. She feels that she's not capable of working - couldn't sit job interviews, couldn't work with colleagues, couldn't work in a customer facing role etc. It's heartbreaking for us but as you say, their health and welfare are the priority so we're just focused on helping her get through the college years for now. I applied for an EHCP for her but we didn't have any support for it from her school and it was turned down. Do you have one for your son? If so, has it helped at all? 

Hi

Yes - my son has temporarily dropped out of college. Does your daughter have an EHCP?
We are planning on looking into online options but at the moment my son is experiencing burnout and he just needs to prioritise his mental health and well being. I don’t want to rush him as our priority is his health and well being. Education is important but in our view it doesn’t come before health.  Your daughter does not t have to go to college if it’s too much for her and if she isn’t getting the support she needs. What does your daughter want to do?