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Advice please - 9 year old son with high performing autism

NAS81954

Hi there,

We have recently realised that our 9 year old son has (undiagnosed) high performing autism.  The thing is, although his school see in class the traits we see at home, they wont offer support as he is academically performing above his peers.  My son finds it difficult to make friends, he uses sarcasm (thinking it is funny) in the wrong context and his remarks can be cutting, his default conversation is about facts, 'did you know....' particularly when he is around people he doesn't know well, mouth stimming plus many other markers too.

Me and my hubby are trying to educate ourselves around high performing autism but there doesn't seem to be much out there.  We haven't told our son yet although recently he told me he feels like he doesn't fit in, and said 'I'm a bit weird, aren't I mum?' which was heartbreaking to hear.  I think we have decided to tell him before he starts secondary school in 2 years time, but we'll see what this next year brings first. I feel like I need to be fully educated before I tell him.  I need him to feel that we've got this, and sound confident around the subject, which right now seems a long way off.

I just don't know how to best support him.  I pick him up on things, like the sarcastic remarks, the mouth stimming (in a nice way, rather than tell him off) etc because I don't want him to chew is nails and fingers until they bleed etc, but the bottom line is, if this is part of who he is, how much will actually change anyway/ I don't want to dent his confidence and have him feel I'm always nit picking.  

- When do you know the best time to tell your child they have austism?

- is there any benefit to a diagnosis for high performing autism (I can't see any)?

- Can you recommend any books/ advise lines specifically around high performing autism?

- Any other advice or tips?

Thanks so much to anyone who can give any advice and help me find my way through this.  My son is amazing and I just want to get this right for him.

Parents

  • My son was diagnosed with Aspergers last year (formal diagnosis is ASD but the Dr told us that it is what would have previously been diagnosed as Asperger’s). My son was 9 at the time and the Dr told him that he has it at the diagnosis appointment and told him to focus on the positive aspects, his great memory, great maths ability etc. 

    My son was totally accepting of the diagnosis and now tells me he always knew he was different to the other kids and I think he likes having it confirmed and learning more about the condition. Although my son is bright and was out performing his peers academically initially, he is now starting to struggle as the curriculum changes as they get to secondary and he finds it harder to access it now. Though I do wonder if that is partly due to his ADHD for which he was only recently diagnosed, and we’re awaiting a meds assessment to see if they might help him concentrate.

    I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I think formal diagnosis can be useful, and just because he is coping in mainstream currently, it doesn’t mean he won’t need support in the future (or he may not). Wait times for diagnosis are so long these days that it can be frustrating if you need the diagnosis to get support for your child but have to wait to be seen.

Reply

  • My son was diagnosed with Aspergers last year (formal diagnosis is ASD but the Dr told us that it is what would have previously been diagnosed as Asperger’s). My son was 9 at the time and the Dr told him that he has it at the diagnosis appointment and told him to focus on the positive aspects, his great memory, great maths ability etc. 

    My son was totally accepting of the diagnosis and now tells me he always knew he was different to the other kids and I think he likes having it confirmed and learning more about the condition. Although my son is bright and was out performing his peers academically initially, he is now starting to struggle as the curriculum changes as they get to secondary and he finds it harder to access it now. Though I do wonder if that is partly due to his ADHD for which he was only recently diagnosed, and we’re awaiting a meds assessment to see if they might help him concentrate.

    I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I think formal diagnosis can be useful, and just because he is coping in mainstream currently, it doesn’t mean he won’t need support in the future (or he may not). Wait times for diagnosis are so long these days that it can be frustrating if you need the diagnosis to get support for your child but have to wait to be seen.

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