• Replies 8 replies
  • Subscribers 74 subscribers
  • Views 1725 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Advice please - 9 year old son with high performing autism

NAS81954

Hi there,

We have recently realised that our 9 year old son has (undiagnosed) high performing autism.  The thing is, although his school see in class the traits we see at home, they wont offer support as he is academically performing above his peers.  My son finds it difficult to make friends, he uses sarcasm (thinking it is funny) in the wrong context and his remarks can be cutting, his default conversation is about facts, 'did you know....' particularly when he is around people he doesn't know well, mouth stimming plus many other markers too.

Me and my hubby are trying to educate ourselves around high performing autism but there doesn't seem to be much out there.  We haven't told our son yet although recently he told me he feels like he doesn't fit in, and said 'I'm a bit weird, aren't I mum?' which was heartbreaking to hear.  I think we have decided to tell him before he starts secondary school in 2 years time, but we'll see what this next year brings first. I feel like I need to be fully educated before I tell him.  I need him to feel that we've got this, and sound confident around the subject, which right now seems a long way off.

I just don't know how to best support him.  I pick him up on things, like the sarcastic remarks, the mouth stimming (in a nice way, rather than tell him off) etc because I don't want him to chew is nails and fingers until they bleed etc, but the bottom line is, if this is part of who he is, how much will actually change anyway/ I don't want to dent his confidence and have him feel I'm always nit picking.  

- When do you know the best time to tell your child they have austism?

- is there any benefit to a diagnosis for high performing autism (I can't see any)?

- Can you recommend any books/ advise lines specifically around high performing autism?

- Any other advice or tips?

Thanks so much to anyone who can give any advice and help me find my way through this.  My son is amazing and I just want to get this right for him.

Parents

  • Hi,

    This sounds similar to our situation, my son is 10 years old and you echo how I feel.  I didn't realise my son could be high performing autistic, neither did the school.  When I was discussing relationship issues between my son and me, his dad and brother, my friend suggested it could be aspergers.  When I looked into this more, it did seem highly likely.  I haven't spoken to my son about it and like you I feel ill equipped to discuss this when I don't know enough myself.  

    This forum is probably one of the most useful places to gain insight and information for me.  

    I did read a book called Freaks, Geeks and Aspergers Syndrome by Luke Jackson who wrote it when he was a teenager.  It provided some good insights and also may be something your son can read and relate to?

    Regarding the diagnosis, I was also questioning whether it's beneficial and necessary and came to the conclusion it was.  However, like your son because my son achieves well at school and wouldn't assist with a referral and even if they did it would take years for an assessment.  I decided to book a private assessment which is in a couple of months, it's expensive but I'm hoping it will be useful and give us much needed information and support about any neurodiversity traits even if he isn't officially diagnosed autistic.  

    The main reason I'm doing this now is because I want to make sure that we choose a secondary school where he feels comfortable and can get the support he needs.   I don't know if I could make the adjustments we need to without an official diagnosis, although we do it now as much as possible, it isn't easy and can be emotionally draining.  

    I hope this helps, feel free to come back with any other concerns / queries 

Reply

  • Hi,

    This sounds similar to our situation, my son is 10 years old and you echo how I feel.  I didn't realise my son could be high performing autistic, neither did the school.  When I was discussing relationship issues between my son and me, his dad and brother, my friend suggested it could be aspergers.  When I looked into this more, it did seem highly likely.  I haven't spoken to my son about it and like you I feel ill equipped to discuss this when I don't know enough myself.  

    This forum is probably one of the most useful places to gain insight and information for me.  

    I did read a book called Freaks, Geeks and Aspergers Syndrome by Luke Jackson who wrote it when he was a teenager.  It provided some good insights and also may be something your son can read and relate to?

    Regarding the diagnosis, I was also questioning whether it's beneficial and necessary and came to the conclusion it was.  However, like your son because my son achieves well at school and wouldn't assist with a referral and even if they did it would take years for an assessment.  I decided to book a private assessment which is in a couple of months, it's expensive but I'm hoping it will be useful and give us much needed information and support about any neurodiversity traits even if he isn't officially diagnosed autistic.  

    The main reason I'm doing this now is because I want to make sure that we choose a secondary school where he feels comfortable and can get the support he needs.   I don't know if I could make the adjustments we need to without an official diagnosis, although we do it now as much as possible, it isn't easy and can be emotionally draining.  

    I hope this helps, feel free to come back with any other concerns / queries 

Children
No Data