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Incouraging friendships for autistic teenager.

NAS81852

Hello, I have a 15 year old girl who has recently been diagnosed with autism. We are really struggling with friendships for her. She doesn't have any friends in our area or at school and I have run out of ideas in ways to help her with this. She is feeling very isolated and lonely. She is very high functioning and desperately wants to interact with her peers but finds the initial conversation or approaching new people to hard. If anyone has any ideas or ways they have encouraged this that would be great. Thanks in advance. 

  • Hiya,

    initial conversations are hard, i totally understand that. personally, i just think of the worst thing that can happen, then make a plan if it does and then go and do it. but that has taken a long time for me to gain the confidence.

    whales? my sister used to be obsessed with whales! i have never found anyone else with the same interest. I'm happy to chat with her but i don't think she can join here as she's only 15, we can always exchange email addresses if it's something you are interested in.

    Anyway, wish you the best of luck

    Alisha xx

  • in reply to NAS81852

    Classes are sub optimal. It's not really set up for socialisation. Especially considering most autistic people are not social learners (learning isn't really a social process for them. they're too busy concentrating on the subject to find the energy to interact) I don't suppose there is some sort of amateur marine biology club in your area? Or maybe instead of art lessons than say an art criticism / appreciation club?

    Don't get stuck in the trap of thinking it has to be some group set up for teens. Autistic kids generally don't have age appropriate special interests, looking for something that fits their interests and is aimed at teens is going to be too narrow to actually exist.

  • in reply to Peter

    This is what we are struggling with. She loves whales and will talk about them for hours. She enjoys art and I have taken her to some art classes but she won't interact with other people when I'm there and she won't stay on her own. 

  • in reply to Caelus

    We have tried this as my other children do taekwondo but she is unable to participate as she feels people are watching her. We have tried just watching the classes for a while but she won't interact. 

  • in reply to NAS81860

    I feel like we are getting this way. It's so hard when you just want to help them. 

  • in reply to CharlieFreak

    We do encourage safe online interaction but she would love friends to visit and do activities that are local. We were hoping that some of the online people she meets would be local but it hasn't worked out like that yet. 

  • Joining a club can be hugely beneficial IF it’s a club centred on an activity or subject around which she’s very enthusiastic.

    what are your daughters hobbies / interests?

  • join a club, like a martial arts class lol
    you get interacting slowly subtly in a objective based way, physical not requiring communication but communication ends up growing from it along with confidence and assertiveness.... and fitness and flexibility and strength too. plenty of girls do martial arts s its not weird anymore.

  • My 16 year old son struggles to interact so much that he rarely wants to leave his room, when out he thinks he has to act all tough. He has few friends and he seems to be getting worse, as if being a teenager isn't bad enough, it must be so tough for those on the spectrum. So it's a common struggle. 

  • My son is 15 and has selective mutism as well as ASD, but he does talk to his friends on Discord. Through gaming he's ended up chatting to a girl in Hungary. I think he talks to her quite a bit and I've encouraged him to chat to people online as I've personally found it to be a good way to communicate if you're anxious about more direct communication.

    Obviously this comes with a huge safety warning for youngsters - be conscious that the person may not be who they say they are, and never agree to meet up with anyone you only know online. This has been drummed into my son and is regularly revisited.

    Lots of online games have some kind of guild system, which typically connects players on Discord. Of course if your daughter isn't into this, it's probably a non-starter.