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Awaiting diagnosis for suspected High Functioning ASD for my 15 year old son

Miss V

Hi everyone, I'm new here.  I'm currently almost a year into a waiting list for a consultation appointment for my son who CAMHS suspect has High Functioning Autism.

I actually don't even know where to start... when my son was a toddler, I had my suspicions. He didn't temper tantrum like "other" toddlers.  He used to just scowl and ball his fists up with rage, shaking and stare you down.  He also didn't like his brother touching his stuff, he wouldn't eat broken biscuits, wanted his clothes changed if a tiny bit of juice was spilled on them, broke into a rage if he coloured over the lines of a drawing and would rip it up and start again.  I spoke to the doctor, the nursery, the health visitor but they all told me he was fine - I guess because he was extremely intelligent and way ahead of his peers in relation to learning, speech etc. I guess they just didn't see the "normal" indicators for ASD.

My son grew up, eventually made friends (he had no interest in friendships until he was around 7 years old), starting going out, becoming sociable and he had a wicked dry sense of humour - he laughed, he smiled, he danced, he joked.

Fast forward to Christmas of 2020 and both myself and the school started to notice changes - he was skipping classes, he became withdrawn, he stopped communicating with friends and hanging around with them as often.  Now we're in 2022 and it's like I'm living with a robot.  I haven't seen my son smile or laugh in 2 years, I haven't been able to give him a hug as he flinches at the slightest touch.  He doesn't express any joy, happiness, sadness - it's just zero emotion and my heart is breaking.

He's incredibly intelligent, so much so the school have allowed him to start college early and he attends two afternoons a week - he want's to be an electrical engineer.

I do not know how to help him. I'm worried that he's sad, stressed, depressed and I'm doing nothing to support him.  His dad is in denial, thinks it's just teenage hormones and lockdown stress but I know different - I can feel it.  This is way too extreme.  It's putting pressure on my relationship with my partner as he gets frustrated with what he interprets as a lack of respect from my son towards me and other family members.

Has anyone else gone through this?  Is anyone going through it?  I have no idea where to turn, how to help him I'm completely lost and my heart is breaking for my son.

Parents

  • He’s at ‘that’ age. Once they hit high school, everything goes down hill. It’s too hard. Too much stress and expectation. I’m guessing he used to mask to fit in. Now he cannot muster the strength to do it anymore. It’s overwhelming him, and he has shut down. This will be a very difficult time for him. 
    Knowing that he’s autistic will eventually bring some sense and realisation to everyone. In turn, he will start to be him, and you won’t expect him to act a certain way. 
    It sounds as if he needs some minor adjustments to enable him to stay in school day to day. Does he have hobbies or interested he can keep himself busy with? Does he stim? That might help him manage some of the feelings his is dealing with. 
    As a parent, there isn’t much you can do. Just be there when he needs you. Don’t put any pressure on him, but you could try and see what things make him feel better, and what things don’t, so you can start to eliminate stressors for him, which add to the current situation he’s in.

    Things will get better. I’ve dealt with it myself (daughter), and I am also autistic.

  • in reply to Catlover

    Hi Catlover

    It's so interesting that you say he used to mask it - you are not the first person to tell me that so I'm beginning to understand.

    I desperately want to support him - if this is how he is, then that's fine I absolutely do not care as long as he knows and feels he is supported and understood.  I can manage my own feelings around it.

    Because of his intelligence, the school have supported him to attend college 2 afternoons a week and he seems to want to do that.  I think he was skipping certain classes because they weren't stimulating or interesting enough for him and he stopped going to PE I can only assume because of the close contact and changing rooms - although he loved PE the first two years and even picked it for his 3 & 4th year.  They've allowed him to drop PE though, which has helped his attendance rate at school.

    The trouble I have is that I don't know when he needs me - he doesn't give me any indications.  He doesn't stim, or certainly not that I've seen and I'm familiar with it.

    Two of my partner's children are autistic, one is non-verbal but they seem to be at the complete opposite end of the spectrum to my son.

    Thank you so much for your response, it's so helpful and I really appreciate it.

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  • in reply to Catlover

    Hi Catlover

    It's so interesting that you say he used to mask it - you are not the first person to tell me that so I'm beginning to understand.

    I desperately want to support him - if this is how he is, then that's fine I absolutely do not care as long as he knows and feels he is supported and understood.  I can manage my own feelings around it.

    Because of his intelligence, the school have supported him to attend college 2 afternoons a week and he seems to want to do that.  I think he was skipping certain classes because they weren't stimulating or interesting enough for him and he stopped going to PE I can only assume because of the close contact and changing rooms - although he loved PE the first two years and even picked it for his 3 & 4th year.  They've allowed him to drop PE though, which has helped his attendance rate at school.

    The trouble I have is that I don't know when he needs me - he doesn't give me any indications.  He doesn't stim, or certainly not that I've seen and I'm familiar with it.

    Two of my partner's children are autistic, one is non-verbal but they seem to be at the complete opposite end of the spectrum to my son.

    Thank you so much for your response, it's so helpful and I really appreciate it.

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