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Where do I start to help my kids?

Aspie Angel

I'm the mum of a six year old boy diagnosed with asperger syndrome, and a three year old boy who is in the process of diagnosis. My older boy was diagnosed three years ago, so I feel like I should be quite knowledgable with all the support networks, but I have large gripes about my kids at the moment, and find myself not having a clue where to get help!

My six year old is very bright, and has (with much family support) learnt to cope with daily life, and manages at a mainstream school quite well. I find, that because of this, many support doors are slammed shut in his face, and he gets no help whatsoever.

When we raise serious concerns with the school, they just say that they are impressed with how he copes. At his school they have a lunch hour of 1 1/2 hours which my son finds quite challenging. We have asked for support, but don't get it. We even resorted to offering to pay a lunch time supervisors wage but the school said they weren't allowed to do that!

Who can help my child?

More to the point, who will help my child?

I feel totally helpless and feel the only option left to me is to bring him home at lunch time. I don't want to do this, as it would leave me totally tied during the day. Also, my son has the will to form friendships, he just needs a bit help. If i take him out of school at lunch time, those social opportunities will be lost and he'll never learn!

How can I find out what my children should be getting?

My three year old was assessed last week and it was reported that he didn't interact at all with any of the children. Because he is also bright, chances are he'll get no help either. I asked the Outreach team how he could be helped to learn social skills, and they went on and on about the imput they give to secondary school children! He hasn't started primary school yet! How can I sit back and let my child be a bystander through his entire primary schooling, before any social input!

I feel so helpless as their main problems are social, and the main opportunities to learn social skills, are when they are out of my care.

Parents

  • It was nearly seven o'clock when my son returned (with a big smile on his face) from his bowling trip. I was over the moon to hear that he had behaved himself, and apart from a few minor incidents in the bowling alley, he had coped very well. I was sooooo thrilled when his friends dad said he could come over again. For once, it felt like we had managed to do something normal for a change, the boys had had fun what more could I ask? Until........................

    ............my son accidentally let go of his McDonalds helium balloon! I watched in horror as it floated off above the rooftops! Then came the screaming! Then came the head banging off the floor, and my son trying to break a limb. Then came the, "I hate my friends, I should never have gone to McDonalds or the stupid bowling alley! I'm never going out again!"

    Why for once couldn't it have been perfect?

    He forgot all about the good experiences he'd had, and was focussed intently on his loss. The tantrum continued until he eventually gave in, and his red, bulging puffy eyes finally shut and he went to sleep. I went to bed wondering if the routine chart would have helped. If his stress levels had been reduced in the first place, perhaps losing the balloon wouldn't have been such a big deal.

    You are absolutely right, it's the small things that can often make the big difference. Because my son has become an expert at keeping a lid on things at school, they think he doesn't need a lot of the resources which I provide for them, so don't bother with them. They have been told by the Outreach team to use them as well, but they ignore them as well. They underestimate just what is going on in my complicated little man's head!

    Having used this website for the first time this week, I have found much comfort in being able to 'let off steam' and have a good moan! It's great to have a rant to people who understand, and the advise you have all given me is wonderful. It inspired me to email my local parent partnership to arrange a meeting so I have someone fighting my corner with me.

    They didn't return my email........they don't want to know either. I may as well live on a desert island.

Reply

  • It was nearly seven o'clock when my son returned (with a big smile on his face) from his bowling trip. I was over the moon to hear that he had behaved himself, and apart from a few minor incidents in the bowling alley, he had coped very well. I was sooooo thrilled when his friends dad said he could come over again. For once, it felt like we had managed to do something normal for a change, the boys had had fun what more could I ask? Until........................

    ............my son accidentally let go of his McDonalds helium balloon! I watched in horror as it floated off above the rooftops! Then came the screaming! Then came the head banging off the floor, and my son trying to break a limb. Then came the, "I hate my friends, I should never have gone to McDonalds or the stupid bowling alley! I'm never going out again!"

    Why for once couldn't it have been perfect?

    He forgot all about the good experiences he'd had, and was focussed intently on his loss. The tantrum continued until he eventually gave in, and his red, bulging puffy eyes finally shut and he went to sleep. I went to bed wondering if the routine chart would have helped. If his stress levels had been reduced in the first place, perhaps losing the balloon wouldn't have been such a big deal.

    You are absolutely right, it's the small things that can often make the big difference. Because my son has become an expert at keeping a lid on things at school, they think he doesn't need a lot of the resources which I provide for them, so don't bother with them. They have been told by the Outreach team to use them as well, but they ignore them as well. They underestimate just what is going on in my complicated little man's head!

    Having used this website for the first time this week, I have found much comfort in being able to 'let off steam' and have a good moan! It's great to have a rant to people who understand, and the advise you have all given me is wonderful. It inspired me to email my local parent partnership to arrange a meeting so I have someone fighting my corner with me.

    They didn't return my email........they don't want to know either. I may as well live on a desert island.

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