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11 year old "naughty" for me but not her dad

NAS79742

My daughter has just been diagnosed, only 1 month ago with autism. She is relatively mild but it is getting worse, to the point i am struggling with her outbursts. Me and her dad arent together and she goes to him twice a week. There, she is well behaved, quiet and does as she is told..as soon as she arrives home, she melts down over the smallest thing. 

Ie. Her sister touched one of her dolls nappys. Today  she had a bump in her hair and said it was ruining the whole day. On holiday, she wouldnt be away from my side or allow my partner near me. She would scream and break down everynight. Yet at her dads, she wont. She says she doesnt like her dad cuddling his wife, but wont say anything. 

Why can she control this with him, but wont for me? Is this behavioural more than anxiety. Or is it the "mask" comes off for me?

Im feeling like a rubbish parent at the minute. That her dad is doing something right and im not. Im making her get angry or not strict enough with her, or not explaining well enough. I just dont know what to do. 

Any advice or help is greatly appreciated on this. 

Thanks

Parents

  • I think she is masking at her Dads, also holidays can be stressful for autistic kids as you are in a completely different place, sounds like you are ‘safe’ for her if she is clingy when overwhelmed by her surroundings. My daughter is hardly ever snuggly with me unless she is experiencing sensory overload, usually for noise but she won’t necessarily cover her ears or say. Sometimes I have to ask her if it’s too loud. Some are sensitive to bright lights/bright patterns/colours. Some are sensitive to smells. Some to touch, which might be why her hair was annoying her. There will be reasons why she acting as she is due to discomfort caused by an aspect of her environment . Masking is also tiring to uphold which is why meltdowns can happen when the mask is dropped

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  • I think she is masking at her Dads, also holidays can be stressful for autistic kids as you are in a completely different place, sounds like you are ‘safe’ for her if she is clingy when overwhelmed by her surroundings. My daughter is hardly ever snuggly with me unless she is experiencing sensory overload, usually for noise but she won’t necessarily cover her ears or say. Sometimes I have to ask her if it’s too loud. Some are sensitive to bright lights/bright patterns/colours. Some are sensitive to smells. Some to touch, which might be why her hair was annoying her. There will be reasons why she acting as she is due to discomfort caused by an aspect of her environment . Masking is also tiring to uphold which is why meltdowns can happen when the mask is dropped

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