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Teen hearing parents in the bedroom!

Claire

I'm wondering if anyone can give me some advice please.

Our daughter (15) has just had a 2 hour meltdown because she could hear us having adult time this morning. 

How can I help her? What can I say to her? 

She just kept crying and saying she didn't like it. I explained calmly that it's very normal for parents to show their love for each other this way and that we were very sorry that it's upset her so much, but she just won't listen.

Any advice would be very much appreciated 

Thank you x

  • There is a scene in Friends, where the adult Monica is traumatised by her much older parents having an 'adult time'. From my understanding and anyone I've spoken with, no teenager who has ever lived would like to over hear their parents doing these 'adult' things. 

    Caitlin Moran may have written something on it at some point, but from my understanding, one cannot unring a bell. Discretion being a thing. Perhaps when she is much older in a random conversation it may bring her an uncomfortable light relief to know her parents were 'happy'. 

    It would be good to help her understand and recognise and begin to understand the difference between healthy and and unhealthy relationships. What love is, what it isn't. These distinctions may help her negotiate this situation. There is a lot of dark and unhealthy information about floating about society. Young women can feel like they are simply to be used and disposed of by partners and then they might attribute this to mum and dad. Still, no one really wants to discuss sex with their parents. I think Ab Fab had a couple of episodes where Saffy was traumatised.

  • I think it’s more about the fact that she didn’t expect it at all. This has made her feel shocked, and probably disgusted that her parents still actually do this lol. She will get over it. You’ve exGrimacingained it’s normal, and I’m sure she knows this anyway, maybe in future, if possible, keep these exploits for times when she’s out, or at school, or when she’s sleeping? Not ideal I know. She could aGrimacingo wear earphones or listen to music to drown out any sounds Grimacing

    To be fair, any teen ASD or not would be upset by this at that age….

  • Hi, welcome to the forum, It's good to hear that some parents accept the fact that their child is autistic

    pushing autistic child to accept something they don't like isn;'t always the best option, because she objected she must have reasons behind, while being unable to describe them fully for the time being. I was like her until 15 communicating with part sentences,and unable to express feelings. being pushed about it irritiated me terribly. as a result of being pushed in childhood I struggle to says 'No' still and I'm 43 now.

    It would seem you can't have bedrooms separated by wall alone. Ask her to swap rooms with her brother?