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Meltdown

NAS75657

Whenever my son is distressed or upset he always says he wants to go to the park. Does he want to go or is this not what he actually wants. I darent take him as if he’s distressed he will most likely bolt. Usually I only take him if he’s calm and less likely to bolt. I usually find the tv or ipad calms him down. 

  • in reply to NAS75657

    The routine thing is a big one. I don't like that as an adult and if that happens amid other stressors, it can still be overwhelming. 

    The toilet thing can be a problem for some kids because of the sensory issues and the failure of the body to prompt the awareness of the need to go. I guess all you can do with that is reassure him, it's no big issue. The mess can be cleaned and he will get better at knowing when to go, it just might take a while.

  • in reply to NAS75657

    Yeah - these can be hard. I'd responded a few days ago to another parent regarding toileting as it could be a few issues https://community.autism.org.uk/f/parents-and-carers/27264/spouse-can-t-cope but if yours is self-aware after and it causes a meltdown, it could be compounded by self-judgement and/or the horrendous external sensory feeling.

    When young, we don't quite realise just how impacted we are. It's this depth of impact that causes such severe responses. Most parents wouldn't subject their infant to harsh lights, sounds, or other demands many parents feel they can enforce as their children start to grow. But the autistic can have this combination of taking in far more than they can even understand coupled with an inability to dull the senses. If we are cared for properly, and helped to work through the intense amount of information we are overwhelmed by, and properly shielded from the intensity of sensory experience (as much as possible, some kids have seizures with change in atmospheric pressure), then we can thrive. 

    Also, if you haven't, have a look at Monotropism. It explains a lot on autistic 'wiring'. https://monotropism.org

  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    Thank you. It’s usually triggers like if he’s had a toileting accident  or he’s routine has changed without warning 

  • It would be really important to work out if the park feels like a safe location without artificial light, artificial sound and he feels less overwhelmed and/or if you have a young biologist/botanist in the making. 

    He may feel connected or more grounded when out doors. But more importantly, it could be better to work out what he's distressed over, so the melting down happens less often. You're welcome to talk through it on this site with Autistic Adults who can help! 

  • I get why he wants to go to the park.  Meltdown can have a flight response, so errrr yes, you do well not to go if he is likely to bolt.  You could take him later when the meltdown is over.

    I also saw your post about talking to him.  Personally, I absorb practically nothing of what is said to me in a melt down and can hardly speak at times.  You certainly can't reason with a person in meltdown.  Best leave him somewhere safe to let it play out and then talking to him calmly a while afterward about what might have upset him.  You might identify some of the triggers that way so you can minimise the chances of others happening.