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Husband & child with ASD

NAS80489

Hey, my son has recently been diagnosed with ASD and I'm 99% sure my husband is also ASD.

I'm just starting to navigate how to best understand and support my son but also finding that I'm not being as patient with my husband, less tolerant etc.  At the same time it really makes sense now I think about the communication issues we have and those being a source for the majority of disagreements.

It's quite a stressful place to be at the moment and I want to give the best of myself to my son and husband.  Any advice or support out there for being more accepting/tolerant and also communication guidance.

Thank you! 

  • Hi.  It can be difficult for non-autistic people who are well equipped for communication (usually) that works with everyone else they know.  Having communication issues tends to mean the autistic person is always at fault, they need to change without really knowing if they can or how.  Normal rules may not work, and you might have to learn to adapt a bit to his needs, and perhaps him to yours if possible - work on it together.  Better to put energy into understanding and relaxing about how the communication works, otherwise its not great for either, and difficult to keep the relationship going.

  • in reply to NAS80489

    Don’t forget there is help out there for you is you are struggling. ASD can, and does put a lot of strain on you, and you need to know your not alone.

    You might also want to have a word with this service who can offer support www.autismandadhd.org. They also have a Facebook page group which is less formal. 

  • in reply to Catlover

    I couldn't agree more and thank you for the insight into potential challenges.  I will definitely be working on how I can be more accepting, understanding and supportive.  It's overwhelming at the moment and I'm trying so hard not to feel like I'm on my own and doing it all, as I know my husband needs to feel understood and that he has a part to play.

  • You say your now starting to find out how best to help your son, but you should remember that your husband was also that child. Therefore, needs the same support and understanding.

    As you start to see what helps and what doesn’t, you can apply the same changes in your relationship. I don’t know your situation, but problems with Autistic people can arise from change, routine and misunderstanding, and meltdowns and shutdowns that follow can be frequent. He may be quite disagreeable and (unintentionally) stubborn or awkward for instance, but there is always a reason, though he might not know it. 

  • in reply to NAS79333

    Thank you.  So comforting to know I'm not alone Slight smile

  • I’ll be watching this thread with interest as I am currently feeling the same! No advice unfortunately but you are not alone.

  • Hello NAS80489,

    Looking for advice on how to communicate with your husband and child is a very good start! If you type 'communication' in the NAS website search box, you'll find many helpful pages. Here is one example, a page with useful tips on communicating more effectively with an autistic person: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/communication/tips

    All the best,

    KarinMod