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behaviour support and new things to try advice please

NAS80131

Hi guys,

I hope everyone is well i'm new to joining the Nation Autistic Society as my 7 year old son has only just been diagnosed with autism possible ADHD (on the waiting list for an ADHD assessment as well) and he has also bee diagnosed with significant behaviour difficulties.  he has scored above the cut off (threshold) for autism spectrum disorder. 

when his behaviour escalates its bad he flips tables and chairs  he lashes out at other people and myself spits hits bites kicks headbutts nips  scratches you name it he has started doing it. i have made a coping strategies display in his room and a sensory den as well with lights  sensory toys blankets  noises etc but this does not always work i have printed out and made a top 30 chart to promote good behaviour and also  made time out cards when he needs a break away from situations and also charts which shows if he is angry scared sad happy confused etc.. i take him out of situations but he lashes out i have had to restrain him on occasions  i have been on a training cause with the  NHS  doing a DMI ( De-esculation Management and Intervention) including Physical Intervention course with an ex police officer who now works within the mental health hospitals as well i really do not like using this and it is last resort 

i just feel like everything i'm doing i'm failing i have applied to numerous courses now to learn about autism in full and how to see things from my sons perspective alongside the charity called KIDS.

does anyone else who has been doing this longer with their child or clients  who can offer advice on anything else i can try  so i can help manage his behaviour and help him with his behaviour  so he can learn to manage it  i know its a long process and it wont happen over night but i hate seeing my son like this its breaking my heart and reducing me into tears seeing him in these states. i just want to make it better for him  any tips or strategies i could try with him would be absolutely amazing  i look forward to your replies and thank you in advance for any support  and advice which may be given to me i really appreciate it.  

  • in reply to NAS80131

    It sounds like the difficulties are when his routine has been broken which is difficult to cope with. As we get older we may be able to manage these times but he has less control of what happens. He may manage to cope whilst he is with his father, but then when he returns home he feels relaxed so reacts to the stress he had during the weekend. Even if the things he has done were enjoyable being out of routine or plans being unpredictable feels stressful. Personally I have to prepare for these things.

    It is not necessarily that you have done things wrong but rather a reaction to circumstances. If he has had a fairly inactive period would doing something active help him to regulate? For example bouncing on a trampoline. Is there something he enjoys doing that helps him relax, does he like any creative activities you can do with him? Would it help to discuss something he enjoys to do on his return from a difficult experience?

    When a meltdown comes out of the blue cushions might help. As my son got older he began to work out when he needed to go to somewhere he could unwind. 

    I wonder if there are times he misunderstands something or has too many instructions to follow. This can still be a trigger for my son. A change in plans is another difficult thing to cope with.

    I note you stated that your son finds these experiences difficult. When you have told him how you understand how difficult he finds... is he able to start discussing things he enjoys doing so the negative is not dwelt upon and what he could do when he feels cross next time?

  • in reply to Homebird

    thank you for this i have tried to see any spikes in behaviour or certain things to see  of possible triggers alot of it is after he comes home from visiting his father after a weekend  its so stressful   ive litrally sat and cried woundering what im doing wrong  it is getting really difficult at the moment and the worst part about it is  you dont see it coming he will be happy and then out of no where he will lash out and flip and its very hard to spot why 

  • Welcome here. I can see you have done a lot to help. In my experience the thing that helps most is to be able to anticipate as much as possible when something might be difficult to cope with. It might be helpful to keep a note of what happens before these episodes to see if there is a pattern. I have found as my son has got older he has found it easier to say what things stress him. 

    Triggers here can be saying no, so if it is something that could happen at a later date perhaps saying when something could happen.The other thing that can help is giving choices so there is less pressure. So you need to do something today, would you like to do it before or after lunch. My son likes to know or decide a specific time.

    Environments are another thing. Buying and trying on clothes are particularly hard. Over the years we have reduced going to shops as much as possible and if we have to, at a quiet time like first thing in the morning. We now get as much as possible online and check how easy returns are. Due to sensitivity to clothing we have spent weeks finding comfortable trousers for school.

    I wonder what things he enjoys doing, the type of clothes he feels most comfortable in.