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Autistic toddler meltdown

Sharon B

Hi, my son is 2.5 years old and has recently received official diagnosis for autism. 

He is close and friendly with his grandma but all of a sudden he has a meltdown when she comes over or her and I are in the same room. He see's her weekly and plays nicely once the melt down is over but we are not sure why he is having this reaction towards her all of a sudden. Has anyone experienced anything similar?

thanks in advance for any advice or stories you are able to share.

  • Oh my gosh this is just like my daughter. She is 4 now and we recently went away for a week. My mum was with us and my daughter screamed every time she saw my mum. It’s like it hurt her. She regularly sees her nanny so it’s was hard to watch. We had to sit in separate rooms at dinner and breakfast time because she wouldn’t settle. 

  • Perhaps he just needs a warning she'll be arriving. 

    Most likely it's nothing personal, but a sudden change. She's an immediate new element in his surrounding he wasn't fully prepared for. The meltdown would then be the stress of this jolting new person in his micro-cosmos ;)

    A possible idea would be to present him photos of her a few hours before she arrives. Walk with him to the door and open the door a few times with the photo. Create a game and continually ask where is she? This may help him mentally expect her presence.

    If this seems to help, this system of creating expectation and purposeful timing with things might be necessary for much of his younger childhood. The more reliable you can become, the easier it will be for him and for you. This may mean being intentional with time on a daily basis. It can sound like an adjustment, but it's actually really helpful for everyone. Frame everything within time slots (if there's not enough time, for instance) and always give him a good amount notice or warning with change. Sometimes things cannot be helped and are abrupt. But if YOU can be dependable, reliable for him, it may make it much easier as you go along.

    You may find you raise a considerate, thought-full and practical son!