Published on 12, July, 2020
Can I ask everyone’s opinion on the issue of permanently leaving education? And if anyone can share their experience of this?
my son is temporarily out of college due to mental health problems. He is autistic and he has Selective Mutism in educational settings. The stress of the pandemic, the lockdowns meaning he was out of college for a long time and other life events have meant that when he returned to college he found it more difficult to cope with than ever (and he has always seriously struggled with school and college). His social anxiety was extreme and he found going back to having Selective Mutism in the college environment virtually unbearable. We asked for more help and support from the college but they weren’t able to offer much more - certainly no specialist support of any kind. So he stopped going in - and then they said he couldn’t return this year as he’d already missed too much of his course. He was relieved really because he couldn’t face going back at this point anyway.
the idea is that he will start again at the same college in September. But today he has said that he doesn’t want to go back at all. The problem is he doesn’t know what else to do instead of going back to college. I don’t really know how to advise him or where to go for advice to try to help him.
I’m not sure of what other educational options there are (or where to find out about them, and I also don’t know how he would get on out of education altogether. Could it be a case of ‘out of the frying pan into the fire’? He’d certainly lose his EHCP - and that worries me as it seems to be the only protection he has in terms of using it to get help or support.
I feel so confused - and so does he. Part of me worries that he’s just withdrawing from the world to avoid anxiety - and I know from my own experience (I’m autistic too) that the more you withdraw from the world the more frightened and isolated you become. I don’t want him to end up hiding from everything as I know he won’t be happy doing that because he’s told me that he really wants friends, a girlfriend, a life.
Has anyone else had experience of this sort of situation? What did you do?
thanks
As an autistic Adult who hated school too, i found that being autistic and not have specialised qualification in any chosen subject has limited me to working in some really awful entry level employment opportunities most of which refused or couldn't make any reasonable adaptions' and left me broken. I'm only 25 but i have had 25+ jobs most of which were filled with awful human beings.
Have you tried another college or form of education like an apprenticeship.
Hi Blue, yes - this is my fear. My son is very intelligent but in terms of skills for employment I think he will struggle. Talking to people for example is a huge problem for him. Also things like organisational skills, time keeping, handling money, dyspraxic type issues. He couldn’t travel to work on public transport on his own either. So many things that would make many workplaces problematical for him. Deep down I think education is more suitable in one way (because at least in principle they are meant to be supporting him) - whereas in the workplace they will be more demanding of him and if he doesn’t fulfill what’s being asked of him he will ‘get into trouble’ which he has always hated the idea of. He’s very sensitive to feeling that he’s failed or let people down. At the same time his Selective Mutism is in educational settings - so I can see why he is sick and tired of educational settings for that reason alone.
it breaks my heart because he is the most wonderful, kind, funny, and beautiful person - he so DESERVES a good life. People don’t see who he really is at college because he cannot relax there at all, and can’t speak there at all. I have to try and find some way forward for him. His mental health is severely suffering at the moment - I feel so very worried about that, He says he cannot see a future for himself. He’s having CBT over the phone with the NHS but it doesn’t seem to help. He’s in serious need of things that will boost his mental health.
I’m sorry that you have also struggled with school and now work. What are the answers for autistic adults? I really don’t think there’s enough support for adults - it feels like it’s ‘sink or swim’ - and that you only get help when you reach complete crisis point (and probably not even then).
both myself and my son are shattered to be honest.
sending you best wishes and solidarity - I hope you can eventually find work that is fulfilling and that suits you. thanks :)