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Advice required

NAS79735

We are struggling massively with our 9 yo daughter. Currently in mainstream school who seem uninterested in helping.

At school they have opened up a 'safe space' at break and lunch time as they feel she struggles to be 'sociable' with other children. She is an absolute nightmare to get in too school of a morning to the point we have to get help from a teacher to get her in. Once through the door she settles and is fine, very intelligent and excels in all her work. However when she gets home it's like a bottle of pop that has been shook up all day and then the explosion hits us. Swearing physical attacks on both parents and siblings. It's like she has lost all control of any emotions and is completely unaware how to bring herself back down. (Laughing whilest crying etc).

We just don't know what the next step is, school have said because she is ok with the academic side there's no point filling in the forms for the school nurse team to just knock it back. Any advice would be much appreciated

Parents

  • One thing jumps out at me from your post:  ‘the school have said that she is ok with the academic side there’s no point filling in the forms for the school nurse team to just knock it back’. 

    THIS IS RUBBISH ADVICE.

    Some Schools have a tendency to not properly address the needs of pupils who are quiet and well behaved - especially if the academic side is ok. This is - frankly - laziness and not acceptable. Lots of autistic children do well academically - that doesn’t mean they are necessity ‘ok’. 

    Don’t accept this from the school. Your daughters behaviour when she comes home is most likely a release from all the pressure she is feeling from masking and trying to cope in school. It’s basically an outlet for her distress at school. 

    Try to talk to her about school to find out how she feels about it. 

    Schools often tell parents that ‘there’s no point trying to get a diagnosis’ or ‘an EHCP won’t make any difference’ - this is rubbish and you don’t have to accept it. 
    Do your research, get informed, and advocate strongly for your child’s needs. Don’t just accept what schools etc tell you - often there are a lot of other reasons behind their wish not to get your child the help they need. Some schools lack the appropriate commitment to children with SEN. It’s a shame but you have to be on guard for schools that are quite happy to fail our children. 

Reply

  • One thing jumps out at me from your post:  ‘the school have said that she is ok with the academic side there’s no point filling in the forms for the school nurse team to just knock it back’. 

    THIS IS RUBBISH ADVICE.

    Some Schools have a tendency to not properly address the needs of pupils who are quiet and well behaved - especially if the academic side is ok. This is - frankly - laziness and not acceptable. Lots of autistic children do well academically - that doesn’t mean they are necessity ‘ok’. 

    Don’t accept this from the school. Your daughters behaviour when she comes home is most likely a release from all the pressure she is feeling from masking and trying to cope in school. It’s basically an outlet for her distress at school. 

    Try to talk to her about school to find out how she feels about it. 

    Schools often tell parents that ‘there’s no point trying to get a diagnosis’ or ‘an EHCP won’t make any difference’ - this is rubbish and you don’t have to accept it. 
    Do your research, get informed, and advocate strongly for your child’s needs. Don’t just accept what schools etc tell you - often there are a lot of other reasons behind their wish not to get your child the help they need. Some schools lack the appropriate commitment to children with SEN. It’s a shame but you have to be on guard for schools that are quite happy to fail our children. 

Children