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Advice required

NAS79735

We are struggling massively with our 9 yo daughter. Currently in mainstream school who seem uninterested in helping.

At school they have opened up a 'safe space' at break and lunch time as they feel she struggles to be 'sociable' with other children. She is an absolute nightmare to get in too school of a morning to the point we have to get help from a teacher to get her in. Once through the door she settles and is fine, very intelligent and excels in all her work. However when she gets home it's like a bottle of pop that has been shook up all day and then the explosion hits us. Swearing physical attacks on both parents and siblings. It's like she has lost all control of any emotions and is completely unaware how to bring herself back down. (Laughing whilest crying etc).

We just don't know what the next step is, school have said because she is ok with the academic side there's no point filling in the forms for the school nurse team to just knock it back. Any advice would be much appreciated

Parents

  • It sounds like she's not 'settling fine' at school. She's basically holding her breath for a whole school day. Every day.

    here's a good example of what Fight/Flight can look like in autistic children: https://twitter.com/TheSENmumTA/status/1524290105107701761/photo/1

    We have difficulty with language, syntax with sorting out internal emotions and communicating what's going on. So it's necessary for parents to ask if their child has exhibited this kind of trauma response and when. Don't be fooled though, humans are capable of shutting down when captured and enslaved. But I'm always amazed at how it's OK to torture autistics simply because most aren't designed to be impacted the way we are. 

    If she's OK with the academic side, then perhaps as someone she wants to trust to protect her, you could try homeschooling if that's an option. I can understand it's not for everyone. Should you be able to, you can assess if she's actually stunted by school academically and would be far excelling where she's at if she wasn't overwhelmed by the sensory environment, by the social chaos. 

    30 years ago when I was in school, I was allowed to sit in a quiet study space during lunch. I was allowed to go to the library instead of recess. Adult Humans were sensible beings. After all, the area where the teachers take lunch is quiet and sometimes carpeted. The noise isn't bouncing around and piercing or overwhelming. We're not a homogenised herd. Some don't thrive shoved into continual non-stop daily chaos.  

    This woman can help give an understanding of what autistics deal with daily https://www.instagram.com/thearticulateautistic/

    We won't ever dull our senses like most. It's been noted that our oscillations of brain waves can be different in the Beta band leaving us open and vulnerable for life. This can help us become a specialist and a valuable resource to society. But as children we need parents who can recognise when we're in pain and protect us from the elements, believe us when we express the world is too much, and help us renegotiate sensible and more humane ways of being with in the world. 

Reply

  • It sounds like she's not 'settling fine' at school. She's basically holding her breath for a whole school day. Every day.

    here's a good example of what Fight/Flight can look like in autistic children: https://twitter.com/TheSENmumTA/status/1524290105107701761/photo/1

    We have difficulty with language, syntax with sorting out internal emotions and communicating what's going on. So it's necessary for parents to ask if their child has exhibited this kind of trauma response and when. Don't be fooled though, humans are capable of shutting down when captured and enslaved. But I'm always amazed at how it's OK to torture autistics simply because most aren't designed to be impacted the way we are. 

    If she's OK with the academic side, then perhaps as someone she wants to trust to protect her, you could try homeschooling if that's an option. I can understand it's not for everyone. Should you be able to, you can assess if she's actually stunted by school academically and would be far excelling where she's at if she wasn't overwhelmed by the sensory environment, by the social chaos. 

    30 years ago when I was in school, I was allowed to sit in a quiet study space during lunch. I was allowed to go to the library instead of recess. Adult Humans were sensible beings. After all, the area where the teachers take lunch is quiet and sometimes carpeted. The noise isn't bouncing around and piercing or overwhelming. We're not a homogenised herd. Some don't thrive shoved into continual non-stop daily chaos.  

    This woman can help give an understanding of what autistics deal with daily https://www.instagram.com/thearticulateautistic/

    We won't ever dull our senses like most. It's been noted that our oscillations of brain waves can be different in the Beta band leaving us open and vulnerable for life. This can help us become a specialist and a valuable resource to society. But as children we need parents who can recognise when we're in pain and protect us from the elements, believe us when we express the world is too much, and help us renegotiate sensible and more humane ways of being with in the world. 

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