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Advice on travel and make new friends

Claire

Hey, I'm new to this community and hoping some of you might be able to help...

Our nearly 15 year old daughter has been struggling for over a year and has not been able to attend school. Anxiety is very strong. The only time she will leave the house is when we go to my parents house for food, which is about once a month. and only 5 miles away.

We have been very lucky to get an appointment for assessments (which will last about 2hrs) but we have to travel to Exeter which is over an hours drive to get there.

Any tips? advice? We have tried the whole we can travel so you know what to expect, but she won't have it. Can you think of anything that might help you to travel, i don't know. Would you like daddy to come, i don't know, or maybe Nana (my mum) i don't know. She is fully aware about what's going on and we have told her that this appointment will help her and us. She is very clever, top sets in lessons and top marks in tests. But can't express how she is feeling.."i don't know" is her favourite go to phrase!  She can be very aggressive (only towards me) and very stubborn. Her bed is her safe place and she can sleep for hours and hours regardless how many times you try to wake her. She will get up when she is ready.

I am really hoping to connect with other parents who are going trough the process of getting a diagnosis. There are many reasons why we are getting the assessments so feel free to ask questions. Blush

I am feeling completely lost, scared, overwhelmed and utterly exhausted and i need to find a way to pull my big girl pants up to help her get through the next few months

Thanks for reading x

  • in reply to Homebird

    Hey, thank you for your reply. And some great suggestions. I have until May to come up with a plan that she will be comfortable with.

    We've looked at where we are going and ive suggested that we drive there before the appointment so she can see it in person but she isn't happy with that idea. 

    My daughter is the same and gets upset when she doesn't understand why she wants to do something but when it comes to the time of doing it, she starts to shake and cry and becomes completely overwhelmed.

    I think i might suggest to her we do a travel bag of everything she might want. Her switch, phone, food and drink and her drawing equipment and anything else she can think of.

    Thank you for taking the time to share with me.   

  • Just to add it's exhausting to get this far but worth it to help others understand. Hopefully others will have more ideas and that she will understand the importance and ways of coping.

  • Hi. My son, 14 has always had problems with travelling. He was diagnosed the day before the first lockdown. He wouldn't leave the house or go outside for a long time after that. We stopped going away on holiday 3 years ago and even short journeys can be difficult. He now takes his phone and listens to music which helps. He also likes to wear a hoodie with the hood up when going to unfamiliar places.

    A promise of something he likes after the event like a take away can help.

    Can you find pictures of where you are going?

    Can you take drinks and snacks for a break on the way?

    Can you find pictures of the person who will be assessing her or anything about them and what will happen there? We sat in a room with one way glass so we could watch the assessment and my son was shown where we would be before it started.

    You say she likes being in bed. My son likes to be wrapped in his duvet or a soft fleece. Would these help with the travelling?

    If she finds going to school hard, is she thinking this means she will now have to return to the place she finds it difficult to be ?

    'I don't know' sounds familiar and he often doesn't know why he finds something or the thought of doing something difficult. Aggression can be part of the anxiety of being asked to do something which is difficult. It helps here sometimes if a choice of a couple of ways of doing something is given as it reduces the feeling of a demand. My son doesn't like being on motorways and gets concerned that something might happen. Are there a couple of possible routes you could take so she could choose one?