Plan for school after Easter break

My daughter has been off school Thursday and today due to staff shortage. I have been told that on Monday she could have her reward because she couldn't have it today. I have just recently had a phone call telling me that there will still be a staff shortage on Monday and Tuesday therefore she still won't be in. I've told them that they will need to be dropping work off for her because she's getting bored already. 

I've broken the news to her and she went straight into a full blown meltdown. She is devastated. It's the only school she's been happy at and enjoyed going and has told me that after next week, she won't be going in after the half term. She said it's not fair this keeps happening and she's making an effort to know new staff and work with more people. She also has had an amazing term and is not happy with the end result. She has end of term reward next week which is now playing on her mind because she doesn't know what she's doing, who her staff are, and what day. She is very upset and I totally understand. 

She is so upset that she has hurt herself by biting and headbaging. Her hand was slightly bleeding and is patched up now. I can't see her like this. She's never been happier in school and she said that she might as well start hating school so if it happens again she wouldn't care if she was in or not. She's starting to get very negative about this. I also have a feeling she has PTSD from previous schools and all the change and this is not helping. She looks back and we've come so far getting school right and I think this is now the trigger point and this are going to go sideways with her and the school. 

I'm going to see how she goes next week and what her frame of mind is because it changes all the time. This will affect her relationship and how she views the school and staff. If it's that bad and she isn't happy, I may pull her out but that is a big decision and will affect her in many ways. It will be up to her. She honselty loves school even though I may give the impression she doesn't. 

Parents
  • I hope I made the right choice telling her the news earlier rather than the day before. She is very anxious and unsettled because she isn't sure if she is going to school on Wednesday and Thursday next week. She doesn't know if they mean or if if they will change it. She is really on edge. She is very emotional and has many thoughts, good and bad. Did I make the right choice telling her now and letting her prepare herself rather than the day before when she is excited about being back. I don't know what to do. I'm getting professional help through the school which is great. 

  • I think you made the right choice

    If I'd been in your shoes I would have told her sooner rather than later as well.

    Like you said it means she can prepare and also you can help her with this

    It natural for her to be on edge and worked up about this, I think we all would be as well. Your there for her and that's what counts, when it gets tough you can be by her side.

    It's fab that you have professional help through the school. That's got to be a big help for you and her

    Keep us updated on how she gets on

    ^-^

Reply
  • I think you made the right choice

    If I'd been in your shoes I would have told her sooner rather than later as well.

    Like you said it means she can prepare and also you can help her with this

    It natural for her to be on edge and worked up about this, I think we all would be as well. Your there for her and that's what counts, when it gets tough you can be by her side.

    It's fab that you have professional help through the school. That's got to be a big help for you and her

    Keep us updated on how she gets on

    ^-^

Children
  • Hopefully we will find out if she's back in tomorrow. If she's not then she's going to lose it and I'll be having words with the school but fingers crossed. 

  • Shes just had another meltdown. She is upset and frustrated that she's not in school until Wednesday. She's hurt herself even more. Every meltdown she has, it's seems to be getting worse. The last few ones there's been, tears, screaming, destruction, throwing, and blood. I don't know how to keep her safe. The only way to calm her down is by giving her space and leaving her alone. It really breaks my heart. I can't just leave her to bite herself until she bleeds or bang her head until she does damage. How do I manage. She's so upset but excited to go back which is great. 

  • Thank you. This really has made my day. The only reason I don't want to pull her out is because it will be homeschooling her and we've tried that and it didn't work and our financial situation isn't the best and we really need money and we can't afford a day off. 

    She has also been to many schools over the past few years so now it's just a massive trigger and it really does affect her mental health which we just can't put her through again. 

    But if she does stay in school, what support can we give her. She struggles everyday with transitions, unstructured times like break and lunch, end of the day, start of the day. She struggles with her communication in school, the environment at times, she absconds from school, whenever she has a tricky time and it escalates, she will hurt staff and destroy property leading to exclusions and that's a lot of change and its also the way she thinks about the school.  It takes a lot to gain trust but only a little thing to break it. 

  • It must be hard seeing her like this and having to go through such difficult things

    It's good that she's happy in school, sounds like a really safe space for her but it's important that you do what you think is best for her

    Even though she loves school if you have to take her out to help then just remember she will adjust to that eventually, maybe not straight away but eventually not being there will be the new norm for her ^-^

    You say above about talking to her about her views and opinions on this and I think that's a fab idea

    You could always write it down with her, sometimes putting it in writing can be easier

    I definitely think talking this through with her is a good idea

    Your obviously a wonderful parent and I can hear how much you care about her and what's best for her

    You're doing a fantastic job ^-^

  • I hate seeing her like this. All the change to her routine this week and next week and at the end of next week we have a holiday away. She's just so unsettled. Right now, anything is a trigger. It really does affect her and I feel like there is nothing I can do to help her but be there for her. It doesn't get rid of the feelings inside her. 

  • Thank you. I thought I made the right choice. I'm still getting to know my daughter after nearly 16 years. What works and what doesn't. The school know her a lot better than me and I think that's why she enjoys school now. They know when she's scared, angry, whatever emotion and know how to help. It's amazing because my daughter is impossible to read at times. I never know when she's scared, embarrassed. Only when she's happy, upset or angry because she makes it perfectly clear. 

    She's been really happy in school and I don't want to take her out but it may be the best thing. Like I said, I'm going to ask her for her views and opinions.