Autism or neglect?

I'm becoming increasingly concerned about a young boy I know, he's ten years old and homeschooled. His mother has self diagnosed autism and uses it to excuse his behaviour and his lack of development.

He can verbally communicate like any other 10 year old, understands instructions, can play games requiring rules etc he can control a pen to draw. He plays computer games like minecraft. He walks and runs perfectly well. Plays tennis and swims etc

However, he can't read (at all), he can't write or spell. He still goes in a pushchair. I know from conversations with other parents who know them that his mother still takes him to the bathroom, she bathes him and they share a bed. Whenever I've seen him have a tantrum, she starts panicking saying things like "okay okay we don't have to do that". He freaks out if his needs aren't met instantly, she has several bags with her always, containing spare clothes, medi kit, food, drinks, activities, blanket etc. He tends to ignore adults, but talks fine with other children. The mum has said to another mum she prefers him to have younger friends cause she doesn't want him to grow up too fast. She says she prefers unschooling, and doesn't ever make him do work.

It's very odd, and I fear she's using autism to cover up the fact she's failed to teach him how to read and write. She does everything she can to prevent tantrums, she panders to his behaviour. If he doesn't want to do something, he doesn't do it simple.o

I don't know, I'm wondering if parents of actual diagnosed children feel like this is familiar or if something is off. Does this sound like autism or neglect

Parents
  • The thing that is concerning is that she's making all these diagnoses herself towards a child, who may or may not actually be autistic.

    She seems to have some type of distrust/paranoia about institutional structures like schools, doctors, and so on, because she might have some type of past trauma of those places, or maybe it's because they might possibly destroy the world that she's set up for her and her son?

    I mean if her son was ever officially tested by a school he'd never pass because of his lack of reading and writing skills, and if he went to a doctor he might not be officially diagnosed with autism or any other form of disability, and she'd have to be held liable for that.

    I mean this mother stages photos to look like he can read and write, which is an act of deceit, so who knows what else she may be trying to con people about. 

    What this mother is doing does not sound healthy. I mean maybe her husband earns enough money for the entire family, so that the mother does not need to work, but if he's kicked out of his bed so that the mother and son can sleep there, that's just... really weird. And this mother seems to be controlling everything as much as possible, orchestrating everything, manipulating everything, so that the world is how she says it is, and she's against anything that can tell her otherwise. That's not healthy. 

    I mean her son might be okay getting his mom to cater to his every whim, but he's not going to grow up with a healthy mindset either. No one likes being around someone that is selfish and demanding, and he'll be a really big handful as an adult. 

    If her son has autism, that's okay, so why not get some assistance from the school and the doctors then? I can't see how they could harm her child any more than what she's doing. 

Reply
  • The thing that is concerning is that she's making all these diagnoses herself towards a child, who may or may not actually be autistic.

    She seems to have some type of distrust/paranoia about institutional structures like schools, doctors, and so on, because she might have some type of past trauma of those places, or maybe it's because they might possibly destroy the world that she's set up for her and her son?

    I mean if her son was ever officially tested by a school he'd never pass because of his lack of reading and writing skills, and if he went to a doctor he might not be officially diagnosed with autism or any other form of disability, and she'd have to be held liable for that.

    I mean this mother stages photos to look like he can read and write, which is an act of deceit, so who knows what else she may be trying to con people about. 

    What this mother is doing does not sound healthy. I mean maybe her husband earns enough money for the entire family, so that the mother does not need to work, but if he's kicked out of his bed so that the mother and son can sleep there, that's just... really weird. And this mother seems to be controlling everything as much as possible, orchestrating everything, manipulating everything, so that the world is how she says it is, and she's against anything that can tell her otherwise. That's not healthy. 

    I mean her son might be okay getting his mom to cater to his every whim, but he's not going to grow up with a healthy mindset either. No one likes being around someone that is selfish and demanding, and he'll be a really big handful as an adult. 

    If her son has autism, that's okay, so why not get some assistance from the school and the doctors then? I can't see how they could harm her child any more than what she's doing. 

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