Autism or neglect?

I'm becoming increasingly concerned about a young boy I know, he's ten years old and homeschooled. His mother has self diagnosed autism and uses it to excuse his behaviour and his lack of development.

He can verbally communicate like any other 10 year old, understands instructions, can play games requiring rules etc he can control a pen to draw. He plays computer games like minecraft. He walks and runs perfectly well. Plays tennis and swims etc

However, he can't read (at all), he can't write or spell. He still goes in a pushchair. I know from conversations with other parents who know them that his mother still takes him to the bathroom, she bathes him and they share a bed. Whenever I've seen him have a tantrum, she starts panicking saying things like "okay okay we don't have to do that". He freaks out if his needs aren't met instantly, she has several bags with her always, containing spare clothes, medi kit, food, drinks, activities, blanket etc. He tends to ignore adults, but talks fine with other children. The mum has said to another mum she prefers him to have younger friends cause she doesn't want him to grow up too fast. She says she prefers unschooling, and doesn't ever make him do work.

It's very odd, and I fear she's using autism to cover up the fact she's failed to teach him how to read and write. She does everything she can to prevent tantrums, she panders to his behaviour. If he doesn't want to do something, he doesn't do it simple.o

I don't know, I'm wondering if parents of actual diagnosed children feel like this is familiar or if something is off. Does this sound like autism or neglect

Parents
  • First of all, where is this child’s Father. Is this mother doing it ALL herself? This poor woman sounds like she could use a community of people who care about her. 

    Let’s say she’s suffered neglect and abuse and is autistic. Autism is a neuro-processing which perceives and understands the world differently. Different motives.

    help the mum find ground, bearings, understand boundaries, get past trauma, learn core structures of principles/ethics and ground up practical ways to THRIVE. She sounds in survival mode. Does she have money for groceries? Does she have family offering to help out?  Once she learns these things in ways Autistics understand: clear fundamental structures - never mind-reading, then the son will follow. 

  • She has a husband, who has expressed his own concerns. He has been pushed out of the bed so the mother can co-sleep with the boy who will soon become a teenager.

    She avoids all contact with social services, tries to keep contact with the education officer to a minimum, won't let anyone professional see him, won't take him doctors, so a proper diagnosis isn't possible rn.

    She doesn't want help, in fact she actively avoids it. She has enough money to go on holiday and she certainly isn't lacking food on the table, her and her son look very well fed. 

    She is not incapable, she used to do office work. Perhaps there is some mental health issues at play. Keeping him from making friends with his own age, pushing him around in a pushchair, not teaching him to read or write, it all appears like an attempt to prevent growth and keep him in that toddler phase. 

    She is very well connected in homeschool community, tho she has upset a lot of families by trying to damage friendships among other parents and children. Clubs have ended as a result of her behaviour, we had a group where we met at a place run by people who work specifically with SEN children and even they raised an eyebrow and didn't want her back.

    I think munchausen by proxy is a potential issue. Even if they boy is genuinely autistic, she is actively avoiding help for him, tho likes to mention autism all the time. 

    It's obviously none of my business, but when does minding your own business enable child neglect? 

  • What you have described is a safeguarding issue. Bring it up with the local authority. 

    I have said previously that this women has a dangerous personality disorder. it not Munchausen's it complex personality disorder.     

Reply Children
No Data