Autism or neglect?

I'm becoming increasingly concerned about a young boy I know, he's ten years old and homeschooled. His mother has self diagnosed autism and uses it to excuse his behaviour and his lack of development.

He can verbally communicate like any other 10 year old, understands instructions, can play games requiring rules etc he can control a pen to draw. He plays computer games like minecraft. He walks and runs perfectly well. Plays tennis and swims etc

However, he can't read (at all), he can't write or spell. He still goes in a pushchair. I know from conversations with other parents who know them that his mother still takes him to the bathroom, she bathes him and they share a bed. Whenever I've seen him have a tantrum, she starts panicking saying things like "okay okay we don't have to do that". He freaks out if his needs aren't met instantly, she has several bags with her always, containing spare clothes, medi kit, food, drinks, activities, blanket etc. He tends to ignore adults, but talks fine with other children. The mum has said to another mum she prefers him to have younger friends cause she doesn't want him to grow up too fast. She says she prefers unschooling, and doesn't ever make him do work.

It's very odd, and I fear she's using autism to cover up the fact she's failed to teach him how to read and write. She does everything she can to prevent tantrums, she panders to his behaviour. If he doesn't want to do something, he doesn't do it simple.o

I don't know, I'm wondering if parents of actual diagnosed children feel like this is familiar or if something is off. Does this sound like autism or neglect

Parents
  • I really can’t stand everything about this post. Discussing someone who isn’t here to speak up for themselves. It’s wrong. I feel if you have so much of a problem with this mother, and you attend the same groups, why haven’t you spoke to her and asked how she’s doing?  Surely you can make a little conversation and scope the situation further before deciding if and what you need it to do about it?

    You cannot assume anything about anyone by the actions that you see just when you are around them. 

Reply
  • I really can’t stand everything about this post. Discussing someone who isn’t here to speak up for themselves. It’s wrong. I feel if you have so much of a problem with this mother, and you attend the same groups, why haven’t you spoke to her and asked how she’s doing?  Surely you can make a little conversation and scope the situation further before deciding if and what you need it to do about it?

    You cannot assume anything about anyone by the actions that you see just when you are around them. 

Children
  • If the mother has psychological problems that are directly adversely affecting the development and life chances of her child, then they both need help. If the psychological problems of the mother preclude her from recognising that she is harming her child, then third-party intervention is necessary and unavoidable. From what has been said, it appears that the chid is capable of being educated in a school, mainstream or not, and that he is being artificially infantilised and subjected to unreasonable levels of control.

  • It isn't discussing someone who isn't here to defend themselves, it's discussing at what point does a bystander enable neglect by remaining silent. It's asking what is usual for an autistic child, which seems to be very unclear and only professionally assessed.

    I have known this woman many years and the parents raising concerns even longer. What makes you think we don't talk to her? What makes you think we haven't tried to push her towards support? We wouldn't know as much as we do if we didn't. We know she refuses support for her son because the words have come out of her mouth. We know she hasn't sought professional diagnosis because she has said it herself. We know she avoids anything relating to her child being seen by professionals because she tells us. We know she doesn't educate because she is openly anti education, describing herself as an unschooler. We also know something is odd about her and her sons behaviour, because she has been around us on a weekly basis for many years. Some of us have had meet ups with just her child and our own children. Some of us have provided very practical support, but she refuses.