Autism or neglect?

I'm becoming increasingly concerned about a young boy I know, he's ten years old and homeschooled. His mother has self diagnosed autism and uses it to excuse his behaviour and his lack of development.

He can verbally communicate like any other 10 year old, understands instructions, can play games requiring rules etc he can control a pen to draw. He plays computer games like minecraft. He walks and runs perfectly well. Plays tennis and swims etc

However, he can't read (at all), he can't write or spell. He still goes in a pushchair. I know from conversations with other parents who know them that his mother still takes him to the bathroom, she bathes him and they share a bed. Whenever I've seen him have a tantrum, she starts panicking saying things like "okay okay we don't have to do that". He freaks out if his needs aren't met instantly, she has several bags with her always, containing spare clothes, medi kit, food, drinks, activities, blanket etc. He tends to ignore adults, but talks fine with other children. The mum has said to another mum she prefers him to have younger friends cause she doesn't want him to grow up too fast. She says she prefers unschooling, and doesn't ever make him do work.

It's very odd, and I fear she's using autism to cover up the fact she's failed to teach him how to read and write. She does everything she can to prevent tantrums, she panders to his behaviour. If he doesn't want to do something, he doesn't do it simple.o

I don't know, I'm wondering if parents of actual diagnosed children feel like this is familiar or if something is off. Does this sound like autism or neglect

Parents
  • If she is autistic then that might make it difficult for her to manage, she might be on auto pilot and just stuck in a rut she can't get out of.  If she is pushing people away including social services then that isn't great - I'm surprised they let her.   You can do things your way to an extent, but beyond a certain point and it is neglect or abuse.

    Best thing is to talk to social services, not in a malicious way though, just share your concerns and see if they need to be involved.

Reply
  • If she is autistic then that might make it difficult for her to manage, she might be on auto pilot and just stuck in a rut she can't get out of.  If she is pushing people away including social services then that isn't great - I'm surprised they let her.   You can do things your way to an extent, but beyond a certain point and it is neglect or abuse.

    Best thing is to talk to social services, not in a malicious way though, just share your concerns and see if they need to be involved.

Children
  • It's actually fairly easy to stay off the radar when homeschooling if you have never been in the school system, which this boy hasn't. You send in a yearly report and you're pretty much left alone. She's very anti vaccination, anti school, anti education. Doesn't reach out for support because she doesn't want social services sniffing around. The more I discuss the situation with other parents who know her, the more I'm convinced something isn't quite right. Particularly co-sleeping with a boy heading for pubity, and wanting to prevent him making friends with his peers. Perhaps professional involvement would ensure the boy has access to a suitable education and the mother is supported.