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Early years

NAS78708

My adorable grandson is 19mth old and does not make eye contact when he sees me.He knows his alphabet numbers and shapes but socially struggling integrating with others. Does not like noise and spends long periods of time playing alone. I so want to connect with him. Its breaking my heart. Please good advice needed 

  • in reply to Homebird

    Yes. One of my autistic children loved cuddles and one was not as tactile - but it didn’t negatively impact on our relationship. There are so many different ways to connect with another human being and form a close bond with them - it’s so individual but there’s always a way. As Homebird says above - just your presence means so much. The smallest things can mean so much. Autistic people are very sensitive and so even the smallest gesture or connection can be super important. I can’t tell you how glad I am that my children are autistic - i would never ever change that. 

  • I wonder if you can play with a quiet toy alongside him. Maybe he will join in your activity or be interested in it. He may enjoy your presence even if he can't cope with joining in.

    My son does a lot on his own, but he notices if one of us is not here.

    I have never coped with eye contact, in fact I don't understand how to do it without staring. I have learnt to look at something nearby to show I am listening.

    I didn't like cuddles as a child which my parents found difficult but there were other things I could do with them. When I was a bit older than your grandson I used to cook with my mum.

  • I’m sorry you feel that it’s ‘breaking your heart’ - please be reassured that you can have a wonderful relationship with your grandson - once you get a better understanding of autism and realise that you really can connect with your grandson - it might just be in subtly different ways to if he wasn’t autistic. It really will be ok :) 

    it’s just a matter of ‘tuning in’ to your grandson and how he thinks and the things he enjoys. In many ways it’s not that different to getting to know any child - it’s just a matter of intuition and patience. It will be fine I promise :)

  • Well he's verbal so why not just talk to him. Believe me he listens to what you say, especially if you say something interesting. And at that age he'll soon have enough language to respond with fairly long thought out sentences. In fact the more you talk to him the faster he'll pick up complex language. If he's like me at that age soon you won't be able to shut him up.