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Daughter struggling to attend school, EW potentially pursuing prosecution

NAS78508

Hi all,

My wife and I have three high-functioning autistic children, and are currently experiencing extreme issues with getting the youngest (8) into school. She hasn't really enjoyed the school environment for years, but things have become much, much more difficult since schools reopened mid-pandemic with such an extended time at home.

If she's in for four half days in the same week, we consider that something of a win at the moment, to be honest; two part days is probably the average. Her attendance dropped to the point where we're a few months into meetings with the headteacher and an Educational Welfare rep. Frustratingly, we feel that they are both disregarding the autism diagnosis to a certain extent, and view it as a simple case of us not trying hard enough to get her in. The school have in all fairness offered very welcome concessions and help (including sand tray therapy, some opportunities to sit outside of class or leave when needed, and a 'worry journal' - which we do not have access to), but the EW rep is currently refusing to issue an EHCP because our daughter is in school so little. At our request, the school SENCO has finally started attending meetings, but she tends to side with her boss.

Last week, our daughter got to school on time for the first time in literally months - and had a panic attack on arrival. She started to hyperventilate, but fortunately, my wife was able to calm her down. We feel like we're rapidly running out of options, and need some help. We're currently trying to get some sort of note from the doctor regarding the school anxiety (to be clear, she does have a formal autism diagnosis).

We've tried rewards, and we're regularly trying to get her to tell us exactly what is making her anxious. The former has little impact, and we've only had limited success with the latter. Every autistic child is different of course, but... does anybody have any suggestions for how we can help her feel better, and encourage her to attend? Any suggestions of things we should bring up at these meetings, or help we can seek? I'm already planning to ask if they've issued staff with autism awareness training, as teachers and TAs appear to be inconsistent in this regard. Have you had a similar experience?

Sorry for the long post. Thank you for reading, and any suggestions very much welcome!

Parents

  • Hi, my son is 20 now and at a college and currently not able to attend. He also had times when at school when he could not go in due to his anxiety. He’s autistic and also has selective mutism. I have autism too. In our experience if the more you try to pressure someone with school phobia into going in to school the more they panic. Pressure doesn’t work - wherever it’s coming from. My priority is my son’s mental health. Have you heard of ‘Autistic Burnout’? If not I would recommend googling it. I would recommend removing all pressure from your child to attend and making it clear to them that you support them, that their well being is your priority and that you will make sure they have time to rest and recover and will only have to return to school when they feel well enough to do that. Also explain that when they return it will be done in a staged and gradual way that they feel comfortable.

    Your child’s mental health should always be the priority. Keep the lines of communication with the school etc open and make it clear that this is a mental health crisis - it’s not an attendance issue - it’s a mental health issue. If attending school is damaging your child’s mental health then the school needs to acknowledge that and be supportive. 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    Our daughter's mental health has always been our highest priority in this situation, which is why she has low attendance rather than being forced into the building every day. 

    You're right to identify it as a mental health issue above all else, something that we have finally managed to communicate in the latest meeting. In fact, things are starting to look more positive. Thank you for your insight, I hope that things improve for your son.

  • in reply to NAS78508

    Thanks :) Sending you best wishes to you and your daughter too. It’s very painful and stressful - but I’m sure you and your daughter will find your way through. It’s so hard to watch your child struggle in this way, School can be such a difficult environment for autistic children. Good luck

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