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Daughter struggling to attend school, EW potentially pursuing prosecution

NAS78508

Hi all,

My wife and I have three high-functioning autistic children, and are currently experiencing extreme issues with getting the youngest (8) into school. She hasn't really enjoyed the school environment for years, but things have become much, much more difficult since schools reopened mid-pandemic with such an extended time at home.

If she's in for four half days in the same week, we consider that something of a win at the moment, to be honest; two part days is probably the average. Her attendance dropped to the point where we're a few months into meetings with the headteacher and an Educational Welfare rep. Frustratingly, we feel that they are both disregarding the autism diagnosis to a certain extent, and view it as a simple case of us not trying hard enough to get her in. The school have in all fairness offered very welcome concessions and help (including sand tray therapy, some opportunities to sit outside of class or leave when needed, and a 'worry journal' - which we do not have access to), but the EW rep is currently refusing to issue an EHCP because our daughter is in school so little. At our request, the school SENCO has finally started attending meetings, but she tends to side with her boss.

Last week, our daughter got to school on time for the first time in literally months - and had a panic attack on arrival. She started to hyperventilate, but fortunately, my wife was able to calm her down. We feel like we're rapidly running out of options, and need some help. We're currently trying to get some sort of note from the doctor regarding the school anxiety (to be clear, she does have a formal autism diagnosis).

We've tried rewards, and we're regularly trying to get her to tell us exactly what is making her anxious. The former has little impact, and we've only had limited success with the latter. Every autistic child is different of course, but... does anybody have any suggestions for how we can help her feel better, and encourage her to attend? Any suggestions of things we should bring up at these meetings, or help we can seek? I'm already planning to ask if they've issued staff with autism awareness training, as teachers and TAs appear to be inconsistent in this regard. Have you had a similar experience?

Sorry for the long post. Thank you for reading, and any suggestions very much welcome!

Parents

  • Hi 

    I'm not sure I have any good advice, just wanted to say that I am in a similar position with my 13 year old daughter who has severe anxiety and is no longer in school at all. 

    I have been worried about prosecution, but it hasn't come to this, and I am not sure what has made the difference in our case, because the pressure for her to be in school from the school has been constant, and it has been difficult to work through this. It makes me very angry, our situation and reading posts like yours because for adults, we can go to the doctor and ask for a sick note which explains we are struggling with anxiety and can get 'signed off' or ask for adjustments at work to support our mental health. The system doesn't work like this for children and it makes me very angry. I really feel for you. I have had to learn to stop trying to get my daughter into school - for her safety i need to take the pressure off. 

    If it helps at all, I sent a constant stream of updates to the school on email to explain the measures i had been taking to try and get her into school and to evidence the difficulties we were experiencing at home, on the way to school and at school. I was sure to explain the serious impact on her mental health of applying pressure, of the fact that it was impacting on my job (I went part time) on my husband, and his work, on my other children. I copied in the wellbeing officer, the additional learning needs officer, the head, the youth worker, the counsellor, and any replies only to me, I forwarded back to everyone. I am in Wales, and i also got advice from a charity in Wales that supports parents and carers of children with ALNs, and they got a solicitor to talk to me to give me the full breadth of our rights and what we can ask for including the right legal language to use with the school. i then organised a meeting with the school and read out a pre-prepared script about it using the legal advice, which I also then sent on email. I also got the counsellor from CAHMS to back up on email to the whole group, the serious risks to her mental health if pressure to be in school was applied. 

    You may well have tried all of these, apologies, and of course I am in Wales so there will likely be some differences in approach. 

    I wish you luck, as this is an awful position to be in. The wellbeing of your child is paramount, and the system is only designed to add pressure to you as a parent and not support you right now. That sucks and is totally and utterly wrong. 

    Best wishes and sending a hug if ok 

    Robin

Reply

  • Hi 

    I'm not sure I have any good advice, just wanted to say that I am in a similar position with my 13 year old daughter who has severe anxiety and is no longer in school at all. 

    I have been worried about prosecution, but it hasn't come to this, and I am not sure what has made the difference in our case, because the pressure for her to be in school from the school has been constant, and it has been difficult to work through this. It makes me very angry, our situation and reading posts like yours because for adults, we can go to the doctor and ask for a sick note which explains we are struggling with anxiety and can get 'signed off' or ask for adjustments at work to support our mental health. The system doesn't work like this for children and it makes me very angry. I really feel for you. I have had to learn to stop trying to get my daughter into school - for her safety i need to take the pressure off. 

    If it helps at all, I sent a constant stream of updates to the school on email to explain the measures i had been taking to try and get her into school and to evidence the difficulties we were experiencing at home, on the way to school and at school. I was sure to explain the serious impact on her mental health of applying pressure, of the fact that it was impacting on my job (I went part time) on my husband, and his work, on my other children. I copied in the wellbeing officer, the additional learning needs officer, the head, the youth worker, the counsellor, and any replies only to me, I forwarded back to everyone. I am in Wales, and i also got advice from a charity in Wales that supports parents and carers of children with ALNs, and they got a solicitor to talk to me to give me the full breadth of our rights and what we can ask for including the right legal language to use with the school. i then organised a meeting with the school and read out a pre-prepared script about it using the legal advice, which I also then sent on email. I also got the counsellor from CAHMS to back up on email to the whole group, the serious risks to her mental health if pressure to be in school was applied. 

    You may well have tried all of these, apologies, and of course I am in Wales so there will likely be some differences in approach. 

    I wish you luck, as this is an awful position to be in. The wellbeing of your child is paramount, and the system is only designed to add pressure to you as a parent and not support you right now. That sucks and is totally and utterly wrong. 

    Best wishes and sending a hug if ok 

    Robin

Children