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Autistic Child Gets Attacked At School And The School Won’t Do Anything About It

NAS78245

my child has recently got attacked by a girl in her year due to my child asking her a question on her presentation. this girl proceeded to go for my child and attempt to push her which almost ended up with her falling down stairs if she did not keep her balance. my child’s body shut down and went straight into a meltdown once she realized what happened. the school are not taking it in mind that my child is autistic and can not cope with people shouting, especially in her face. people touching her and too much going on at once that it is too overwhelming. this girl is not getting a big punishment and we as parents want to fight for our daughter as no one should get away with doing that to an autistic child like this girl has. any advice???

  • I'm so sorry that that happened to your daughter. It must have been very upsetting and scary for her, and really hard for you to hear as a parent. 

    Unfortunately, like others have said, I wouldn't expect to much from the school. In my experience schools tend to deal with situations like this by removing the victim from the situation rather than the assailant. It happened to my friends autistic son. He was getting badly physically bullied by another child in his class and he was the one the school moved to a different class rather than the bully. And that was despite, and in full knowledge of, the fact that the change was far harder for the child with ASD. There were very little repercussions for the other child, despite the fact that they caused physical harm. 

    I hope that your daughter is doing ok now and that you find a way to resolve the situation so that she feels safe and happy at school again.

  • Sorry I might be about to say some things you may not want to hear but here goes - You haven’t mentioned ages but if they’re young (infants or younger primary) I think it’s possible you’re expecting too much from the school. Young children of all neurotypes will react to being hurt or upset without being able to rationalise enough to prevent acting out. What exactly did your child ask? The girl may have seemed like an insult? We don’t know the full details of the incident so it’s not so easy to give advice (not asking for the full details if you’re not comfortable to share, just saying), the punishment for the other girl would likely be relevant to what she did, not for how much she upset your child.  The sad fact is as much as autistic people shouldn’t have to mask to get by I do find it helpful to have realistic expectations about situations I might encounter with some coping strategies in place. That said if the school are aware that your child is autistic they should be providing a supportive environment as much as they reasonably can, I’m assuming this is a mainstream school?

  • It is not reasonable to expect disproportionate punishment for what sounds like a minor piece of 'argy-bargy'. The basic problem is not what the girl did, but the extent of the reaction that it caused in your child. School is not a pleasant place for autistic children, I know that from first-hand experience, and the choice for parents is to keep their children in mainstream school, while demanding reasonable accommodations, plus hoping that the autistic child develops more resilience, or put the child in specialised schooling, or to home-school. Reasonable accommodation would not, in my opinion, include continuous adult supervision so that your child never has any negative interactions with other children, but would include having a access to a quiet place when overwhelmed. What you describe does not sound like systematic bullying, but a sudden flare up of anger. No child can be expected to fully understand that their actions can have more profound effects on certain people more than on the general run of their classmates, therefore expecting that a child be punished more severely for any action because of its unusual consequences, is unreasonable.

  • Does your child have an EHCP or have you considered one?

    If you feel school have not responded appropriately can you send a letter to the school governor's?

  • Do you want the girl punished or do you want the problem fixed? If the latter wouldn't restorative justice be more productive? Make her apologise. Make her sit down for 10 minuets and listen to how what she did made your child feel. Put her on wanting about your child's needs.

    What are the school actually doing?

  • You could get a advocate like the 'Family Voice' which advocate on behalf of parents and families with autistic children. 

    You could go through the complaint procedure and take it to the local authority if not taken seriously.

    As an autistic individual myself i would just try and teach your daughter resilience, because this behaviour from others doesnt stop even when your an adult in a job or in further education.i know it sounds cruel but teaching her to protect herself and avoiding other is safest solution but not ideal. 

    The autistic child/adult is always at a disadvantage in these situations and if you fight for another child to be punished it will cause a coo among parents and result in your daughter becoming the school escape goat. It will result in multiple parents demanding expulsion of your daughter because she if a threat to the other because of her meltdowns. 

    if the school aren't meeting her needs now, it maybe be time to look at moving to a more autism friendly location with school services the can meet her needs now and in the future such as secondary and even college.