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Problems with understanding banter at school

NAS77918

Hi, this is the first time posting on here, i am in need of some advice, help and support with my 11 year old son. He attends mainstream secondary school and seems to be losing the few friends that he had. He feels he is being bullied each day and feels targeted by others. He experiences emotions very intensely and is currently feeling isolated from everyone, that they are making fun of him.

He seems to be able to havel 'banter ' with others and join in when aimed at others but when it is aimed at him, he feels he is being victimised, as you can imagine this is very distressing for him. He has informed the teachers who have allocated consequences to the individuals but i think part of the situation or incidents do start by my son being involved in doing or saying something similar to another.

His peers have now started to pull away, verbally telling him that he is wrong, he is a "grass" for telling the teacher etc. He feels so confused. He has always struggled to "let things go" and move on so this is going to go on for a long time. 

Im so worried about his self confidence and self esteem, when i try to talk about how individuals with autism may think about things differently than the majority of the year group, he looks so sad, I have always encouraged him to be confident in who he is and that due to him having autism, he is a wonderful human being, we celebrate difference and i know that he is struggling with the whole ' different' tging at the moment.

I 100% know that despite the fact that the situations may be misinterpreted, his emotions and feelings towards them are VALID 

I could really do with some.advice on.how to help him to understand the intricacies of peer group relationships

Thank uou so much

Kerry

Parents

  • I feel your pain when it comes to your sons confusion. My son started puberty at 10, hes 13 now and in mainstream for the 1st time. His friends were always school based and in his special needs classroom. We moved before the virus hit and he started a new school only to be there for a month and then we had the shutdown. He had a full school year, which was 6th grade, of remote and was talking from time to time to some new friends. Fast track to this year, 7th grade. So hes mainstream and killin it grade wise. Friendwise, not so much. Hes confused on the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing, which i explained to him that those were types of relationships that you have when your older and more mature, he proceeds to tell me that several girls in his class has "boyfriends" and now thinks he needs one. Its great his mainstream now but now ive had phone calls from school explaining he made one of his friends uncomfortable by telling her she was a goddess. If children and teens that are on the spectrum have to learn how to communicate with mainstream students through classes why are they not teaching mainstream students how to communicate back? I think if we would educate students who are not on the spectrum from pre school on that they would be better to recognize and communicate better with their fellow peers with ASD in mainstream classes. Sorry for the ramble, im just heart broke and wondering how do i explain all this to him without killing his spirit,hes so happy go lucky all the time and for the 1st time ever in his life he called himseld a loser and when we asked if he truly felt that way he said almost. I DO NOT want him to regress, hes worked so hard and does not deserve to move backwards. Anyone else dealing with this???

  • in reply to HaydensMom

    I share your heartbreak, it awful for them to struggle on a daily basis. Your son sounds very similar to mine. Very comfortable with himself, its others level of understanding thats the problem 

    I fear he is slowly developing this hatred of his autism and questioning what this means for his future. Its hard for him to realise that this is a very small window in what will hopefully be a wonderful life x 

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  • in reply to HaydensMom

    I share your heartbreak, it awful for them to struggle on a daily basis. Your son sounds very similar to mine. Very comfortable with himself, its others level of understanding thats the problem 

    I fear he is slowly developing this hatred of his autism and questioning what this means for his future. Its hard for him to realise that this is a very small window in what will hopefully be a wonderful life x 

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