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Help me Help him

NAS77506

My ASD son made a best friend at work and he absolutely thought the world of him, he is 21 and was the only real friend he has ever had. His friend has now moved home to his own country and my son is devastated. I am really concerned about my sons mental health, I've tried to talk to him to get him to see a Dr but he refuses point blank, says he doesn't care about anything or himself, I am really at my wits end as he is an adult and I can't force him to go, I fear he is spiralling Into depression and I really don't know what to do. Any advice would be really helpful 

Parents

  • You're right, legally he's an adult. Mentally, though...? My son is 25 and still needs advice and my help and to just spend enjoyable time with me. What does your son like to do? Maybe just invest in time spent trying to play a video game he likes or watch a TV series together, or maybe book a whisky tasting? Or a day out on a canal walk. I'm in my 40s and wish I could spend more time with my dad. We only have parents for a while.

    He may feel a doctor isn't going to take the place of a friend and perhaps your affirming this is what he might need. Therapy is always helpful and maybe the timing isn't right. Mourning a connexion is a normal process of being human and transitions are difficult at any age. 

    Sometimes the process of being with, engaging with our children no matter what age can make enough of a difference for them. At some point we can all become more grounded in who we are but still learn new things. At 21, some still might not have quite embraced what it means to mature and grow, and as autistic humans, it does appear we tend to mature slower than our neurotypical counterparts.

    I'd say your OK to be a mum at any age.  I'm not a royalist, but the healthy distance of mentor to student between the Queen and her children is an interesting one to take notes from. 

Reply

  • You're right, legally he's an adult. Mentally, though...? My son is 25 and still needs advice and my help and to just spend enjoyable time with me. What does your son like to do? Maybe just invest in time spent trying to play a video game he likes or watch a TV series together, or maybe book a whisky tasting? Or a day out on a canal walk. I'm in my 40s and wish I could spend more time with my dad. We only have parents for a while.

    He may feel a doctor isn't going to take the place of a friend and perhaps your affirming this is what he might need. Therapy is always helpful and maybe the timing isn't right. Mourning a connexion is a normal process of being human and transitions are difficult at any age. 

    Sometimes the process of being with, engaging with our children no matter what age can make enough of a difference for them. At some point we can all become more grounded in who we are but still learn new things. At 21, some still might not have quite embraced what it means to mature and grow, and as autistic humans, it does appear we tend to mature slower than our neurotypical counterparts.

    I'd say your OK to be a mum at any age.  I'm not a royalist, but the healthy distance of mentor to student between the Queen and her children is an interesting one to take notes from. 

Children
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