Hello!!! Im sixteen, and my little brother is fifteen. He has autism, and Ive been trying very hard to help him manage it. Ive done a lot of research over the years and try to apply what I know - helping him get to quiet places when hes upset to avoid a meltdown, being clear and concise with my speech and explaining what i mean if he misunderstands, learning his nonverbal cues for when hes too stressed to talk, etc. My family practically relies on me to deal with his, um, less convenient i guess? symptoms. Im the one they always get to talk to him when hes upset, Im the one they always get to convince him to do things, so on and so forth. Its been like that since we were kids.
I feel like Im not doing enough anymore. He entered public high school last August, and I genuinely dont know how to help him with some things without outright doing it for him. He has a lot of trouble with communication, and it makes things like reading articles or writing essays for school really difficult. I cant write all of his schoolwork for him, and I cant be there to read aloud every single thing he has to read for school, especially when even he doesnt want to do the work. On top of that, he has some trouble socializing. The people at our school are really loud and rowdy and some even pick on him. He is really uncomfortable around them, so much so that even when he does want to participate in something (like a game in P.E.) he has such uncomfortable body language that everyone assumes he doesnt want to play and exclude him. He very much prefers nonverbal communication to talking, too. I dont want to tell him to learn how to mask if he wants to be included, because Ive heard stories from other autistic people that masking can be incredibly exhausting, but I myself am not great at making friends and tend to mask some of my own quirks.
Ive tried talking to him about his autism multiple times to tell him the different things Ive heard from other autistics that could help him, but he always gets defensive and shuts it down. I dont know where to go from here... I feel like theres a lot more that I can do to help him, but at the same time, I dont want to be overbearing and make him rely on me so much he cant function without me. I want to go to college and move out one day, but Id feel horrible leaving him in the dust like that.
My family isnt much help, honestly. Our older brother doesnt listen to me when I try to explain why he acts a certain way, or that he should be approached differently. My dad has his own...understanding of how it works that isnt entirely accurate, but I dont believe I could ever convince him otherwise. Hes very set in his ideals. Plus, neither of them are very patient people. (Our mom doesn't live with us right now.)
I want to help my brother learn the skills he needs to manage his autism and feel more confident in himself. I just dont know how to go about that without causing undue stress. If anyone has any advice, it would be highly appreciated.
