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6 year old recently diagnosed

NAS77566

Hello, my 6 year son was diagnosed with autism last week. I just wanted to ask a question about one particular behaviour. 
this is one example of it but it’s usually similar.  He was playing on his tablet this morning and when he couldn’t do it he threw it on the floor at the side of the bed. He then wanted me to pick it up for him. I told him he should pick it up as he threw it there and it was right next to him. He completely refused and just kept going on and on for me to get it. He couldn’t give me any reason why he wouldn’t get it himself. He does similar things, not just with his tablet, could about bdifferent things but it’s like once he’s decided he’s not doing it , then that’s it , even if it’s really simple.
Can anyone offer any advice please on this?  

Parents

  • It sounds like there's a bigger issue here and he just wants a hug or help or to know he's not alone. 

    With my son, I would do small random kind things for him and always do tasks with him until he asserted ownership over a task. Sometimes when a thing seemed overwhelming I would tell him we could do it together. He's now 25 and literally mirroring back everything I used to do with him when young. Our favourite phrase which I would always say is "How can I help". 

    Autistic children naturally learn from our actions (far more than words). And if you come home from a hard day stressed, mentally exhausted and frustrated from feeling like you wasted a whole day doing everything wrong, what makes it better? Someone saying, "put your feet up, I'll make you a cuppa". Support and aid. Kindness. Little gestures of which are significant in a moment where we need rescue. 

    Your son is young. Using an iPad and failing is his horrifying day at the office. Everything went wrong and he hasn't leaned how to breathe deep and critically evaluate the problem. He hasn't learned that a pint is helpful or stepping away from the paperwork and going for a walk or a quick moment in the loo to just collect his thoughts. He might be engaging in games which are designed for him to never win - the ones where the levels simply keep getting harder to infinity. These are not good for small humans who step in to corporate surroundings and need to problem solve and occasionally have a day where they win so they can feel a job well done. 

    I'm 45, autistic and had incredible problems with language in my childhood. I would just melt into tears all the time. I couldn't access the words to describe what I was feeling or perceiving. I had a great deal of difficulty with language. I probably could've really thrived with a little Latin, to be honest. And being read well written classic literature. I couldn't describe my emotions until 35 and often they were complex. Usually I felt misunderstood and unprotected. Usually I just needed a hand of grace and someone who wanted to spend time just being with me.

    If he's melting down, maybe ask "shall we pick it up together or shall I get it for you?" Just go with it. Continue to win his heart by being irreplaceable and eventually he will trust you always have his back and will repay that loyalty forever. If there's one thing very specific about our 'monotropism' is that we are fiercely loyal, even more so when we know some one has our back. There's enough cruelty in the world, you can't ever spoil an autistic child by leading with support and kindness, they will mirror everything you do. 

  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    Thank you for your reply. He was in bed with me whilst this happening, he always shares with me so we are always cuddling. It happened in the morning.

    I always offer help when he finds something difficult and say we can do it together. I offered for us to pick it up together but he refused. 

    Im a big believer in kindness and support     but I can’t always do everything he want, it isn’t possible. 

  • in reply to NAS77566
    NAS77566 said:
    but I can’t always do everything he want, it isn’t possible. 

    I can understand this. It sounds like you're doing the best you can with what you have, which is all we can hope for. And sometimes I simply had to allow my son to feel through his emotions, help him identify them and validate how he was feeling. "Your frustrated right now and I can see that. I'm going to help the best I can".

    I think I've learned to state "I want to do x but I can't right now. Maybe in an hour (or tomorrow, or later this evening)". And then I would just make sure to follow through to build trust. Growing through phases while sensing your parents are supportive even if they're limited makes for quite good grown ups!

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  • in reply to NAS77566
    NAS77566 said:
    but I can’t always do everything he want, it isn’t possible. 

    I can understand this. It sounds like you're doing the best you can with what you have, which is all we can hope for. And sometimes I simply had to allow my son to feel through his emotions, help him identify them and validate how he was feeling. "Your frustrated right now and I can see that. I'm going to help the best I can".

    I think I've learned to state "I want to do x but I can't right now. Maybe in an hour (or tomorrow, or later this evening)". And then I would just make sure to follow through to build trust. Growing through phases while sensing your parents are supportive even if they're limited makes for quite good grown ups!

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