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Something has happened but I don't know what???

ParentingAutism

I strongly belive something has happened in school but I can't exactly think what it is. My daughter came home a few weeks ago and she said, I quote, 'I don't like ........'. She was talking about her favourite teacher who she always gets on well with and never holds a grudge against. 

Recently, things have gotten worse. She says that she's not talking to the staff member at all. School have noticed this aswell. My daughter won't let the teacher in the room with her. She shouts at her and tells her to shut up, and that she's annoying and calls her names. This has gone on for a few weeks which is concerning us because she used to get on really well with her and it was the total opposite. But know she is just going up to her and hitting and punching her. She won't even look at her anymore. Something has obviously happened and triggered this because my daughter is not one to hold grudges against people  even in the worst of times. I need advice for Monday because it's going to be a tricky day because she has the member of staff all afternoon for her sport lesson. 

  • in reply to Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

    Yes, I've been thinking about the possibilities and you could be right. I think that from Tuesdays incident, my daughter was being very unsafe and I believe the teacher shouted at her. It makes sense because my daughter keeps shouting at the staff member and she doesn't usually continue shouting at someone for no reason. It makes a bit of sense. I'll talk to my daughter and see if she can shed some light on the situation.  Thank you

  • Well the only things I could think of, was that maybe her favourite teacher said a remark that your daughter misunderstood and took the wrong way.

    Or maybe her favourite teacher had to pay attention to another student, and your daughter felt jealous at the other student, and betrayed by her favourite teacher, which caused anger and bitterness towards that teacher, as if the teacher has wronged her. 

  • in reply to Tania

    Possibly could be but at the same time I don't think she does. They have a lot in common that I know about and from what my daughter has told me. It was just a sudden change. She was fine in the morning before school then came back saying she hates the teacher so I believe something happened in school. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    Sounds like she may have a crush on her. teacher That would explain that it was ok in the past. Since she is 15 now, and her hormones may disrupt her mood a bit more.

  • in reply to GuybrushThreepwood

    There is an issue that sometimes my daughters staff will talk to other students and this was a major factor with behavior to start off with but now they have sorted it and are doing well according to my daughter. If a student wants to talk to her staff, they have to ask my daughter if its OK or the teacher will say they are with a student and to talk to them later. I don't think this was a trigger. There's something more to it. 

  • in reply to Tania

    Yes, my daughter is hypersensitive. I have asked my daughter if something has happened but she said nothing did. She could be jealous. She is always talking about her and everything to do with her like what her teacher did at the weekend and whatever. She does leave school site when she has her for maths, this way she knows she can't be left alone offsite and her staff have to be with her at all times which means she is in control. 

    I don't speak to any parents or students, only the staff there so that's all I rely on. 

  • in reply to Tania

    This is what I was thinking,

    OP- has she taken something the wrong way or has the teacher gone to another child when your daughter was needing her full attention? Has she had a dream about her where something happened which upset her feelings?

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    I agree it does sound like something happened, the teacher may not even realize it. Is your daughter hypersensitive (sounds like she is). So is my son and he can get very upset by "innocent" remarks. For the sake of explaining this I am using these words. If that was what happened it's not innocent just ignorant probably or the teacher lashed out (with words)

    You think she is jealous and acted out or ran away instead of having the feeling of being left. So that way she is in control, and she is not the one being left?
    Maybe it snowballed.

    What about the other students? Have you called the other parents, to ask their kids if they have seen anything?

  • in reply to Tania

    Thank you. I have spoken to the school, well they spoke to me. They said that nothing has happened between them. They did notice a pattern in my daughters behavior. Every Tuesday, there was an incident at the same time every week. This was in maths and she had this member of staff aswell as another one. She would usually abscond from school or lash out near the end of the lesson because it meant that the teacher has to go to another student. They are now not letting her have this staff member on a Tuesday due to this.

    But recently, for weeks, she hasn't wanted the staff member and I'm trying to figure out why. As I've said, she never wanted her to leave, to her not wanting to be anywhere near her. 

  • Oh man, sorry to hear this. This is a tough situation. Does your daughter's school have a counselor or another teacher she likes who you can talk to?
    I have no idea what your living/work situation is like, but if I could I'd go to talk with her teacher. Maybe talk to another staff. There's a chance they know something. But obviously your daughter's teacher triggered her as you said, so it might be good to watch this teacher interact with other students, you might see some behavior on her part that would trigger your daughter.

    Other than that I know it's super hard to get your autistic kid to tell you anything like that, but I'd keep trying with superhuman patience and reassurance that she will not get into trouble. And possibly an incentive for information.

    Let us know!
    Good luck!