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Resently diagnosed 20 year old daughter with confusing sound sensitivity

NAS77348

Hello, my daughter has been diagnosed with Autism and just before her diagnosis she started sticking her fingers in her ears when there was any kind of noise even talking which I found strange, as she had never done that before, and sometimes she would storm out of a room. After her diagnosis she began to do it more often. What I found strange is that she plays her music very loud, and goes to the cinema. I went with her resently and I had to put paper in my ears to muffle the noise and was surprised that she wasn't bothered at all, yet in my car if my radio is on volume one or two which is like whispering she will close her ears and get annoyed with me. What I want to ask is whether this is possible as we have argued a few times as to how she can pick and choose what volume annoys or bothers her. Her diagnosis is something that took me by surprise as I thought certain behaviours of her could be explained otherwise, and it was something she pursued herself as she felt Autism explained her and how she feels best. Can someone tell me if this how some people may feel. I always thought that there were people who liked the loud noises and the ones who liked the quiet and noise affected them every single time. I am very confused as alot of her traits ( I don't know if that is the word) kind of come and go. She has resently also started twitching her hands while she talks. Which makes me question her diagnosis sometimes and we argue about it.

Parents

  • She can learn to be kind about this though.

    Being a mother, I would buy her ear plugs or even nice head phones for her birthday - something to wear in the car and allow her to put them on when she needs to. It's OK to not like a thing. It's also not necessary to be unkind about it. What's important is to learn to articulate what the specific element is, the effect it's having and to separate what is painful from what is personally distasteful. 

    For instance, IF the physics of sound were a oppressive, like a a harsh frequency which damages the hairs and can cause permanent loss at those frequencies - usually between 1kH - 5000, or the high pitched tone sound editors use in TV shows now for dramatic effect (which I turn the sound off for), download a frequency application. Or the loudness level, which can cause deafness, download a decibel level reader. These present hard scientific evidence of sound as a weapon. She could present this in a situation were it imperative. But if it's someone singing off key, or an awkward "mode" - like something foreign (I'm not a fan of microtones), or an artist she doesn't like, it may be more suitable to practice techniques to breathe through it and politely exit without causing offence.

    It is Absolutely important she learn the difference and also important you never take offence with her, just continue to present ways to practice negotiating a new song or station. Find ways to be funny even! I've had to practice for years and better to have a patient mum to help learn than be shunned by society when we are internally - dramatically affected.  Everyone must learn fun ways to suffer for a minute with something aesthetically unappealing. No one should be forced to suffer harm.

    But the better equipped she is at recognising the difference and taking a moment to collect her self and negotiate her way through or out, the better prepared she will be for far more difficult things the world may throw at her.

    However, being autistic we are incredibly impacted by sensory elements. That impact can then cause immediate reactionary responses. It took me a very long time to learn to simply say "oh wow, give me a minute" and calm down, work out a response, etc.. Because I will always need a minute or days to recollect myself from impact - even in my mid 40s.

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  • She can learn to be kind about this though.

    Being a mother, I would buy her ear plugs or even nice head phones for her birthday - something to wear in the car and allow her to put them on when she needs to. It's OK to not like a thing. It's also not necessary to be unkind about it. What's important is to learn to articulate what the specific element is, the effect it's having and to separate what is painful from what is personally distasteful. 

    For instance, IF the physics of sound were a oppressive, like a a harsh frequency which damages the hairs and can cause permanent loss at those frequencies - usually between 1kH - 5000, or the high pitched tone sound editors use in TV shows now for dramatic effect (which I turn the sound off for), download a frequency application. Or the loudness level, which can cause deafness, download a decibel level reader. These present hard scientific evidence of sound as a weapon. She could present this in a situation were it imperative. But if it's someone singing off key, or an awkward "mode" - like something foreign (I'm not a fan of microtones), or an artist she doesn't like, it may be more suitable to practice techniques to breathe through it and politely exit without causing offence.

    It is Absolutely important she learn the difference and also important you never take offence with her, just continue to present ways to practice negotiating a new song or station. Find ways to be funny even! I've had to practice for years and better to have a patient mum to help learn than be shunned by society when we are internally - dramatically affected.  Everyone must learn fun ways to suffer for a minute with something aesthetically unappealing. No one should be forced to suffer harm.

    But the better equipped she is at recognising the difference and taking a moment to collect her self and negotiate her way through or out, the better prepared she will be for far more difficult things the world may throw at her.

    However, being autistic we are incredibly impacted by sensory elements. That impact can then cause immediate reactionary responses. It took me a very long time to learn to simply say "oh wow, give me a minute" and calm down, work out a response, etc.. Because I will always need a minute or days to recollect myself from impact - even in my mid 40s.

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