Hi,
I am new to this forum and I am looking for advice out of desperation. My eldest of 3 sons, who is nearly 15, was diagnosed with Aspergers 5 years ago. He is socially very good and has 5 or 6 close "normal" friends who he goes out with a lot. His friends are all good, polite boys, and academically bright. They do nice things like go into town together, eat out at restaurants etc. He rarely seems to have any social issues with them. Recently, I enrolled him at the local Gym, and he goes there 3 or 4 times a week to workout and swim. A lot of the time, I can deal with him - he can often talk to me (about superficial things, rather than how he is feeling). I feel that in many ways he has a normal life.
However, he is becoming increasingly aggressive and swearing - a lot. Really horrible words which he directs mainly towards his mum. Sometimes he will direct them towards me. He also smashes things in the house regularly when having meltdowns. There are holes in his bedroom wall. He often bangs his forehead against objects and threatens his mother with physical violence. The police have been called many times to try and make him realise the seriousness of his actions, particularly when he started picking up knives and threatening to hurt himself. At first, this worked, but now he is becoming cheeky and oppositional to the police. Recently, he had his first major meltdown at school, and kicked a glass window out of a door.
I am really, really worried about where he is headed. I lie awake at night and spend a lot of time in a state of panic or upset. On the one hand I love him dearly, but then sometimes he makes me feel like I wish he was in care.
We have been engaged with the social and mental services for year, but they rarely seem to offer any practical support. I am now of the opinion that these forums - and speaking to other parents, is where I will find practical advice.
In summary - my question is - how do I get him to understand how much we are worried about him, and how upsetting his behaviour is to his mother and myself? Whenever I ask him why is so cruel to his mum (usually triggered by very trivial issues) he just shrugs his shoulders and says "I don't know". Last night, for the first time, he told me he hated me and couldn't wait until I died. I am very depressed and don't know where to turn. We have such a lovely relationship with our other 2 younger sons and I feel like I just don't know what to do with our eldest. I am worried he is going to hurt himself, his brothers, or his mother as he gets older.
