Anxiety

Hi. I really feel for you. My son was just diagnosed at 11 1/2 and he has really overwhelming anxiety. It gets worse during periods of change (start of holidays, end of holidays, build up to certain events). E is also a really restricted eater which has a huge impact on him and us socially. 
Lockdown was basically heaven for him - small class sizes or being at home with me, very predictable routine and almost no socialising! No sudden changes of plan or big expectations. 

We did tell E that we were going for an autism assessment. I think we said that we were going to see some doctors who are experts in children’s brains and how they work, because they might be able to help us understand why you sometimes feel and experience things differently to your sister or your friends. One explanation might be autism but they also have other ideas that might be a better fit for you.

He has been hugely relieved since the diagnosis as it means he has a reason to feel the way he does and has really started opening up about what he finds tricky. 

In practical terms, we find the following help:

• not planning too much in one day/week
• keeping instructions or questions brief
• the right amount of pre-warning about things that are happening
• allowing him as much choice as possible but not overwhelmingly so (eg when out for a walk he gets to choose the route as it makes no odds to the rest of us, but if we want to play a game after tea I would say “Uno or Rummikub” rather than “which game do you want?” because then he gets stuck making a decision
• he loves a bath so if I sense him getting wound up I suggest he has one. The warm water really seems to help. 
• giving him as much space as he needs, not demanding he spend time with us or guests as he finds social interaction overwhelming
• not making an issue of the food thing. He eats plain pasta every night and has for years, plus a few other foods during the day but always the same things with various routines. We try to roll with it and not push him to try new things.
• explaining how our brains process fear and anxiety and how it’s a by product of the fight/flight system that gets in our way rather than saving us from tigers. E will sometimes say he can feel his monkey brain taking over so we remind him to think with his clever homo sapiens brain instead. 
  
  

Sorry that was a big info dump there but hopefully some of it will help!!

You are not alone and it sounds like you are really in tune with him which is a good start

Hi. I really feel for you. My son was just diagnosed at 11 1/2 and he has really overwhelming anxiety. It gets worse during periods of change (start of holidays, end of holidays, build up to certain events). E is also a really restricted eater which has a huge impact on him and us socially. 
Lockdown was basically heaven for him - small class sizes or being at home with me, very predictable routine and almost no socialising! No sudden changes of plan or big expectations. 

We did tell E that we were going for an autism assessment. I think we said that we were going to see some doctors who are experts in children’s brains and how they work, because they might be able to help us understand why you sometimes feel and experience things differently to your sister or your friends. One explanation might be autism but they also have other ideas that might be a better fit for you.

He has been hugely relieved since the diagnosis as it means he has a reason to feel the way he does and has really started opening up about what he finds tricky. 

In practical terms, we find the following help:

• not planning too much in one day/week
• keeping instructions or questions brief
• the right amount of pre-warning about things that are happening
• allowing him as much choice as possible but not overwhelmingly so (eg when out for a walk he gets to choose the route as it makes no odds to the rest of us, but if we want to play a game after tea I would say “Uno or Rummikub” rather than “which game do you want?” because then he gets stuck making a decision
• he loves a bath so if I sense him getting wound up I suggest he has one. The warm water really seems to help. 
• giving him as much space as he needs, not demanding he spend time with us or guests as he finds social interaction overwhelming
• not making an issue of the food thing. He eats plain pasta every night and has for years, plus a few other foods during the day but always the same things with various routines. We try to roll with it and not push him to try new things.
• explaining how our brains process fear and anxiety and how it’s a by product of the fight/flight system that gets in our way rather than saving us from tigers. E will sometimes say he can feel his monkey brain taking over so we remind him to think with his clever homo sapiens brain instead. 
  
  

Sorry that was a big info dump there but hopefully some of it will help!!

You are not alone and it sounds like you are really in tune with him which is a good start

Hi thankyou so much, some really amazing advice. My son does love a bath and seems to calm his anxiety. I think because this is all new to him it's alot to get his head around. Definitely can relate to some of the thing's you've mentioned about your son to. Some of your advice ive already implemented into his daily routine. Covid definitely heightened everything but also pushed me to seek the help he needs. Really appreciate your kind words

Kind regards